Tag Archives: writing

It’s good to be bad

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There are times I think about writing. And I don’t just mean the concept of what is writing, I mean…sitting down and actually writing. Unfortunately, usually early in the morning or late, late at night (which is still technically early in the morning) are those times. And well, full-time jobs and sleep requirements and all that jazz prevent me from getting up and writing in the moment I have ideas, probably good ideas. Not like now.

So, sometimes I don’t write. And I don’t really know why. I don’t think it’s that I have writer’s block per say; it’s not as though I sit down and nothing comes out. Just lately, I don’t sit down. I just don’t sit down to do it and odder still, I don’t feel a void when I don’t.

Sadly, the moments I write the most, are when I’m the most sad. Sadness, confusion, introspection, jealousy, uncertainty…these are the things that drive those words. And art. And literature. And entertainment. And almost anything good or meaningful that ever came out of this life.

If you look back in time, many of the most talented, creative, artistic sons o’bitches out there were riddled with issues. Depression, anxiety and straight-up being stuck in those heads tends to be what leads to the best art. And that in itself is terrible. The people who make our joy seldom experience it. The everyday people, maybe those are the people living life, but not driving it forward. The socially awkward, societally-shunned geniuses and the drug-raddled, insomniatic depressives are the ones that add the je ne sais quoi to our world. And what they provide is what makes everybody else’s life better, but not necessarily their own.

This is a conversation that has come up a lot lately. As my creative friend risked it all to start a new business, and yet another artistic mastermind took their own life, and well, I just creep other people’s perfect profiles with envy like a modern day peeping tom….Often the best results in our life are driven by the worst times. And the best times result in the worst outputs.

So, though this may not be the best thing I’ve ever written, maybe that’s good. Maybe it’s good to be good, and great to be great, but state of mind and quality of work may not always be one in the same. So maybe sometimes it’s good to be bad and bad to be good.

Some people are born mediocre ,some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.  –  Joseph Heller

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New Year, New You?

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mmI’m sitting here with thoughts in my head and lazy in my fingers…barely just willing myself to type. Don’t let the title fool you, one night cannot make an entire new you. A you that makes resolutions, recommits to passions and hobbies, and tries harder to be good at the things they are good at and even better at the things they aren’t….suuurrreee…but a new you? C’mon people.

Who in their right mind really believes that one cold night in winter (well, in certain countries) makes you a different person, or even makes you dedicate to being a better person. I gave up on resolutions years ago because frankly, you give up on them quickly and stress yourself out when you are failing.  What about just trying to be okay everyday?

As I say this, I did just make homemade soup, am watching Jeopardy, sat down to write for the first time in months, read 10 chapters of a book, mentally recommitted to playing my guitar and did yoga for the first time in a year…but I won’t call these things resolutions…I will call these things the things I shoulda been doing all along.

So resolve to be the version of you that operates best and most content, not the version of you that doesn’t exist, because trust me, if you do…you will not only let the new you, but the old you down too.

The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. – Walt Disney

The Ginga Ninja

The Moody Mind

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I think I am in a writing mood, nay, I am in a writing mood.11429225895_5b5a1f76d4_m

I haven’t been in one in a long time, or maybe more appropriately I’ve been putting my time elsewhere. With spring and summer come social events, the desire to be out and about – 9 o’clock seems early and sleep unnecessary.

Give me fall and winter and what you have on your hands is a bit of a hermit. Some nights I’m bummy and wishing for some fake life or love that doesn’t exist and some nights I want nothing more than to rush home to my fireplace, television, new pillows (mooorreee new pillows, I truly think I have a problem) and get lost in a movie, crockpot, new television show, or a painting. Fall and winter turn me into an ever-elusive introvert and funnily enough cause me to be more tired than ever.

Now I’m an educated soul. I’m sure it’s my hideaway nature and lack of exercise that’s making me more tired. The less you do, the less you want to do. It’s a vicious little chicken and egg cycle. We are too tired to get out (and let’s be honest, I already work full time +), but the less we get out, the more tired we become! What a conundrum….#firstworldproblem if there ever was one.

showimageBut, there are days, and I know I’m not alone; I can’t put my finger on the problem. It’s not life altering, it’s not life-changing, but I’m in a mood. A pensive, lonely, frustrated mood…like you aren’t getting all you should out of life, and yet, that is life. Nobody is ever really alone and the internet just proves it. In the past couple of weeks I can’t tell you the amount of people who have mentioned they are feeling down, stressed, tired, sick, frustrated, annoyed at dating…it’s universal, or perhaps universal when you live in a country with very distinct cold weather patterns. There is a reason that suicide rates are higher in cold countries. No joke.

So, I guess I need to decide whether stressing out about my dirty apartment and unfinished painting is the right way to go, or hitting the gym, hitting the bar and maybe hitting on a boy is the better avenue (I kid, I kid…I would be out for my friends, wink wink). The sad part is, as I sit here and type this, the fact that I can type this or even have a choice in these decisions shows how fortunate my miniscule little life really is.

So on that note, I guess as long as you have a choice you have a life, whether that be hiding away in your loft like a troll or getting dolled up like a princess, there is usually tomorrow and only when there is no tomorrow do your choices cease to exist. So, you make the call…how do you want to spend today?

Every man builds his world in his own image. He has the power to choose, but no power to escape the necessity of choice. – Ayn Rand

The Ginga Ninja

The Unfillable Void

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Void stampI’ve written posts here and there pointing out the occasional desire or maybe more appropriately put…emptiness we have filled with goals, aspirations, big dreams and pointless tasks. Somewhere along the way we are all taught there are certain benchmarks to hit in order to lead a “successful and fulfilling” life. Each and everytime we feel an uneasiness creeping up we try to tick off the next box on that list of fulfilling life moments and achievements, yet for some reason we are still left wanting.

I never understood this void. And better yet, I thought it was just me.

In our own little myopic worlds, we don’t seem to understand that everyone, and I mean everyone, suffers. But, to what extent and what emphasis is put on which wrong syllable is often measured by wealth, education and the basic hierarchy of needs. The saddest part of this is that no matter how much you achieve, how many things you attain and how much money you make…you may still have a little emptiness sitting in your stomach that you just can’t explain.

And this, my friends, is called the human condition.

For some reason our brains are hardwired to want to reach some sort of next step, next need, next want. If we don’t know what that is, sometimes we try to shake things up with a new degree, new career, new spouse, new car or even a new country. But, the bottom line is that no matter how many times we change it up, we can’t outrun it. The best version of ourselves is always just out of reach.

There are too many articles out there about happiness, anxiety, the meaning of life, self-help and self-worth for this epiphany to come to me and me alone. When are people happy?  Well, if we look at the study of psychology, this is all people have been talking about for centuries. The world’s greatest minds have been trying to decipher the meaning of life since the beginning of time, so what made any one of us think we were so special?

I finally understand, I’m not.Red_Void_by_Gaurdian

But, I also understand that this feeling most likely isn’t going away. When it creeps up after a big night of drinking, a breakup, looking at bank statements or being bored at your job…you need to accept it’s part of you, it’s part of life and there will always be more to have, to be, to want. All you can do is try your best to dull the ache, soften the voice, follow your dreams and realize that you are exactly the same as everyone else. The human condition is a condition indeed.

Mark Manson, a favourite of mine, explains it and explains it well. Stop trying to attain happiness and just try to learn acceptance. Pleasure is mistaken for happiness, and achievements mistaken for worth. Trust me when I say, it’s not always worth it. http://markmanson.net/stop-trying-to-be-happy#sxjbVV:6Q9y

The Ginga Ninja

 

 

A Mind Unburdened

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redhead writing

A year or so ago I wasn’t as peachy keen and shiny as I am today.  I was hopeful, I was pensive, I was as positive as I could be, but I was a bit lost.  Also, not long ago a fellow blogger liked one of my posts – Coco J. Ginger, and I was delighted as she has an incredibly popular blog.  I hoped to learn something from her – some advice on how to reach people, touch people and relate to people.  The only problem is – she had already healed.

You see, Ms. Ginger started her blog because of a broken heart.  Many years and many posts later she no longer felt a need for it.  It became a possibly cumbersome task that though she loved doing, no longer needed doing.  It had been a place to put her hands, her mind, her time and her heart.

If I’m being completely honest, I do find that a saner, calmer, happier version of me has evolved.  Now, please don’t misunderstand, this wouldn’t have happened had I not gone through lonely nights, uncertain days and a health scare or two.  But, these days, things just don’t seem like that big of a deal.  I mean, I’m more broke than ever, I’m facing unemployment and I just cannot seem to get on top of cleaning or my love life.  Then again, I haven’t really wanted to get on top of my love life.  I’ve been pretty damn content on my own, for the first time in….EVER.

So, like Ms. Ginger, I guess I could say that the line has been cast, I’m not sinking anymore and I no longer need a voice.  But, I won’t.  The reason for that is somewhere along this crazy journey, I’ve fallen in love with writing.  It is an outlet, a surprising passion and a useful waste of my time.  You may wonder how it can be useful if it simply wasting time, but if you break life down to its absolute minimum, well….really everything we do is a waste of time.  But, wouldn’t you like to think you wasted that time well?

This is not to say I am not going to need to vent, or cry, or overthink every now and then.  This is not to say that a bright shiny sun with sunglasses is smiling down at me while bluebirds sit on my shoulder, but it is saying, for today, I’m okay.  And for today, I have no intentions of giving this up.  It has opened up a new world to me; one I didn’t really know existed.  It has actually helped clear my mind and even influence my career.  How many people can say that?  I am not writing out of angst, anger or boredom, but out of love.  It was a loss of love that started this journey and a newfound one that will continue it.

I wish the same for all of you.  I wish for everyone to stumble into something they love and continue to do it simply out of joy.  Not because you are forced to (hello, piano lessons anyone), because it makes you money (nothing like marketing credit cards for a living) or because there is pressure for you to present well.  Who hasn’t put on a beautiful spread or applied to a job at the urging of a partner or parent?  Guilty.  I’m sure you are too.

So, this year I find that I’m my same bumbling self.  I lock myself out of the house constantly and bruise easily.  I gab too much, think too much and pee too often…but it’s different.  It’s better.  So, good bad and ugly, I`m currently here to stay and right or wrong, I hope you can say the same.  There is no perfect version of ourselves, only a good, bad and better and each and every one of those personalities depends on the day, the year, the month even the season.  Remember that the saying, “There’s always tomorrow” was written for a reason, because what you feel today may very well not be what you feel tomorrow.  Remember that when you are at your worst – once upon a time you had a best and one can’t co-exist without the other.

I guess my girl Coco realized that she had found a love too. I don’t think it matters why something started, only why it continues.  10,000 followers strong; her hiatus was short-lived and her blog has lived on. Lucky for us.                                   http://courtingmadness.wordpress.com/

                   Words, words, mere words, no matter so long as from the heart.                                                                                    – William Shakespeare

The Ginga Ninja

Oreo? Or…Eee…Oh.

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Red oreosWonder if I gave an Oreo?  Would it change the course of my world?  To be honest, my world is pretty great these days.  Buuuttt….what if there were really a simple little gift or simple little phrase you could pass along to change all people and all situations?

Oh wait, there is, it’s called the middle finger.  Kidding.

Okay, the middle finger is slightly true, but on the completely opposite end of this spectrum.  Either way, Oreo’s new advertising campaign tries to sell it as a wondrous little miracle; in fact the new tag line is wonderfilled.  I wish I had a secret little miracle I could pass to an angry boss, a moody sister-in-law, a butterfly-filled crush, or a reckless ex boyfriend.  It could appease all tense situations and it could turn everything in my favour, apparently even my run-ins with the ever-charming Dracula.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDDwRI4LYFY

But, since sharing an Oreo for world harmony is a little far-fetched and my gorgeous smile just won’t do….I’ll have to settle for a little honesty, a touch of confusion and a lot of problem solving.  I recently read an article that unhappiness is not an issue with what you have, but a desire for what you don’ t have.  So, I’ll do my best to chin it up and relish under the breath comments, family dysfunction and car repairs.

Even though picturing sharks, squids and seals in a group hug and talking about the undead seems completely ridiculous…even I have to admit the song is catchy.  My girl Kate articulates my thoughts pretty darn accurately. http://jezebel.com/oreos-weird-new-commercial-will-lull-you-into-a-twee-c-504470002

So, I guess, what I’m really saying is make the best of what presents itself and just put up with the rest…even weird Oreo commercials.

The Ginga Ninja

buddhist oreo, red

Blah, Blah, Blog….

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red journalAre blogs just modern day journals?  Unlike Bridget Jones, how many girls do you think are still locking their diary and hiding it under their mattresses? (I for one wish I had been that smart).

But, at that time, being mentioned in somebody else’s journal was juicy…it was gossip…a secret look into the crazy mind of another.  How mortified would you be if everybody knew what you were thinking and (EGAD) who you accttuuaalllyy had a c-r-u-s-h on?

Nowadays however, we are all encouraged to show our uniqueness.  The irony being, is that the number of online blogs is estimated at around 181 million unique sites.  That is 181 million very un-unique people blabbing about their likes, dislikes, days and hobbies.  Me included of course.

I personally find blog pushers very annoying.  They post it on Facebook, they post it on LinkedIn, they post it at the bottom of their emails; they encourage you to read it on twitter.  Who doesn’t have something better to do than read somebody else’s thoughts?  C’mon.

Well, I guess my saving grace is only a a handful of my loved ones even know this exists.  Maybe they read it because they can relate, maybe they read it because they are bored, maybe it’s because they love and support me, or maybe, just maybe they read it to see if they are mentioned.

Love you ladies….oh, and man.

The Ginga Ninja