Tag Archives: reality

And Your Number’s Up.



Why is 11:11 haunting me and what does it mean?

When you were a kid, did you make a wish every time you saw 11:11 on a clock?  I sure did.  The very simple phrase, “11:11, make a wish” has come out of my mouth for a good 30 years.  But, like a jinxsies, it wasn’t all that often and was just a cute little stop sign in your altogether busy today to take a minute and enjoy the moment with whoever you were with…or wish you were with.  Aha.

But lately….lllaaattteeely…this is more than a once in a blue moon occurrence.  This is more than a here and there, once every 6 months, or in the company of other’s kind of occurrence.  It is a weekly, if not daily, if not twice daily happening that is frankly starting to creep me out.  It is eerie and abnormal and in some ways I want it to stop, but in other ways I’m not sure it should.

You see, the thing is, 11:11 is a global phenomenon.  Ancient philosophers and the Bible alike put importance on this number, as do new age spiritual followers and even psychics.  I never thought much of it, until a friend mentioned to me that it had been following her around.  She realized that it meant something more than meets the eye and knowing I’m a bit of an open-minded soul, directed it my way.  Well, she seemed to have opened some sort of cosmic Pandora’s box, because whatever was on her shoulder has most definitely moved on to mine.

I joke that it’s the same old personal perception phenomenon that we all experience now and again.  Buy a new car, everyone has the same car.  Visit a city, and suddenly the city is in every TV show and song you hear. Try a new restaurant and everyone else has too.  It is the mere fact that something happened in your life and therefore you notice what you never noticed before. I told her that I would start looking for the number 9:08 and since then have not seen it even once, but 11:11? Don’t even get me started. This is different, this is constant, this is unplanned and this is unnatural.  I keep thinking that if I plan to try to see it, then I will twice a day every day, but I don’t.  I’m starting to think this isn’t my plan at all.

Apparently seeing 11:11 can be life’s little way of telling you to open your eyes.  Spiritual guardians have a watch on you and a change is coming. Some believe it is a divine opening, or a snapshot in life; a rift in time and space where all is suspended and in that moment you can insert an alternate reality into your future.  I already live in unreality half the time, so for me and my good friend…well, this means a whole hell of a lot of time not living in the real world.

More seriously though, after months of this, a major change did come for her.  And sadly, not necessarily a good one, but it most definitely caused her to open her eyes and evaluate her life.  I have also had a change recently, I started a new job, but in some ways it is counter-productive to the bigger personal journey I had already begun. I have been in transition and have come to realize that the person I am and the person I thought I was meant to be aren’t necessarily one and the same. What is still coming, only time will tell.  Something tells me I’m into something strange.  But, something also tells me I’m not alone.  And that in itself is strange, even if only for that one minute.

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Time is only an illusion. – Albert Einstein

The Ginga Ninja

Swimming in the Shallow End of the Pond


stock-footage-loop-features-colorful-submerged-autumn-leaves-in-a-shallow-pond-with-tree-branches-reflected-uponHave you ever been called shallow?  It’s a term I haven’t received a ton in my life, but recently…well, not too long ago, I was picky.  My version of hot and somebody else’s version of hot don’t always align even on the best of days, but for a few months there they definitely did not.  I can pick out my friend’s types based on looks and interests and I hope they could do the same for me.  But, is it fair to say that there should be equal parts attraction and compatibility?

You can be incredibly attracted to somebody and they can be a wrong match.  I’ve been there, I’ve done that and I’ve spent years with them.  You can also become very attracted to somebody based on their personality.  When you are really hitting it off, you can’t keep your eyes off of them….but, when their unreliable true colours come out…well, suddenly not so hot anymore.

So, in this world of online dating where it’s like shopping in a catalogue – is choosing to speak to somebody that seems cute AND interesting a crime?  The world works different in reality.  You meet somebody and you have a spark.  You don’t always pick it, it isn’t necessarily because of looks and you can’t really choose what their career will be.  I’ve been attracted to still-students and people the same height as me; co-workers, neighbours and even a former boss. Sometimes the guy you hate later becomes your boyfriend (cue 15 year old me) and somebody who was the hottest thing since sliced bread in University gradually becomes repulsive to you (cue 21 year old me).  But, what happens when dating is now like flipping through a magazine…does being picky make you shallow?

I don’t know.  I know that if I stumbled across somebody and things happened naturally it’s a whole new ballgame.  But I’m back in the field and just seem to keep getting grounders. I’ll be the first to admit that looks aren’t everything, but my god, they are something.

“There’s nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you are insightful about it.” – Dennis Miller

The Ginga Ninja

Murphy’s Little Law


Murphy's Law, RedFor anybody who hasn’t heard of this nasty little bit of karma, it’s the unwritten law that “anything that can go wrong will go wrong”.  I for one am a true believer that this rule especially applies to me.

As I lament about all the things that fail me, the countless number of times that all the planning in the world couldn’t save something, and the way that I truly believed I was cursed for breaking those 2 mirrors in highschool….my dad had a funny little thing to say to me the other day.  He said, all these things that go wrong, they are just little things that you will overcome, you get one done, it’s okay for awhile and then another one will come along. We’ll get this one solved and later there will be something else for you to figure out too.

Funny heh, only took him 62 years to get there.  I have struggled and battled with this belief, that this overcoming of obstacles and things that don’t go your way is…life.  It is not this fairytale happy ending and despite all my anal virgo-ness, all the planning in the world cannot prevent the actions of others.  That doesn’t mean it still doesn’t infuriate me when Murphy’s Law rears his ugly little head…but, yes, at the end of the movie, well, they don’t show you the part where life just keeps coming….and there is rent, unemployment, thieving hookers, cat litter and nasty piano movers to deal with…

My fellow ginger, Addison from Private Practice phrases it perfectly, “I was thinking I would keep waiting for life to get easier. You know, lower stakes, less risk, easier.  And I was thinking, maybe it doesn’t.  Maybe the struggle, the climb, one obstacle after another…maybe that’s just life.”

….sounds like my dad is a closeted Private Practice fan, doesn’t it?…

The Ginga Ninja

anything that can go wrong, will go wrong

It Feels Like it Ended Before it Even Began


Pinup Girls, sad redheadHow can you miss something you never really had?  Whether it be a car, a job, a guy, a child, a house…how can you feel a sense of loss over something that was never even yours? It’s funny, I think we surprise ourselves sometimes.  Life is not black and white, so neither are our thoughts, our feelings, or our decisions.

It doesn’t seem to matter how on top of things you are, how many wonderful blessings and people are in your life – the moment something that you thought was almost yours is unattainable…you actually grieve that loss.  It’s silly, how can you grieve something that didn’t exist…or at least didn’t exist to you?

I guess it’s because we build these little goals and visions.  We make decisions in our head and then have to try to attain them in reality.  We envision hopes, dreams, futures and loves, but when reality doesn’t line up with our daydreams…sometimes we can actually feel, well, a bit….sad.  Whenever something ends, there is hopefully a new beginning, but there is also a period where we must learn to let go – not of just what we actually lost, but what we imagined we would gain.  You are learning to let go of those hopes, dreams and visions – in essence, the life you thought you were going to have.

So, my advice is to begin every day as though it’s a new day.  With every new day, try to remind yourself that your life is your new normal, each and every day.  It doesn’t matter what was, or what might’ve been…all that matters is…what IS.

I realize it’s ironic that it’s me giving this message.  But, do as I say, not as I do.

Every day is a new beginning.

The Ginga Ninja

Heroine or Heroin, They’ll Both Make you Crazy


joan of arc, redheadIt’s strange.  You sort of wake up one day, after a period of transition, a period of loss, a period of uncertainty and realize…you are okay….as just you.  You are okay alone and you are okay in your own skin.  You don’t know how it happened and you don’t know what was the tipping point – did you need a certain amount of time alone, did you need a certain number of failed dates, did you need a period of loneliness, of grief, of illness or depression to get you here? But, you wake up one day and not only are you okay on your own, but you feel the most secure you have in awhile.  Heck, maybe you feel the most secure you have in …well, ever.

That my friends is where I am.  I felt secure when I was in a functioning relationship and knew that I wanted a different end to my life.  I felt secure when I was getting high grades and receiving compliments for getting in shape.  I feel secure when people are praising my calm demeanor at work or my ability to handle uncertain vacations, car repairs and health problems, but why now?  I actually got told the other week by 4 different people that I was so positive; they couldn’t believe how positive I was.  ME?  Positive?  Say it ain’t so.

I mean, life hasn’t exactly gotten any easier.  If anything I’m making less money and have less love prospects than ever before – the future is uncertain, my job is a mess and my health is only so-so, but for some reason, I feel more ME than…well, than I can remember.

I have always hung onto this little picture in the back of my mind of my happily ever after.  My  version of life that would kick ass.  I have spent countless hours working hard, playing hard and worrying needlessly to achieve this end goal. There wouldn’t be too much hardship, there would be financial freedom, there would be a doting, yet charmingly badass husband who was a lovable, yet stern father and I would find the relationship with my mother I always dreamed of.  I would live in a world where there were no petty differences or misunderstandings, I would have perfect pets that didn’t vomit on my rug,  I would wake up magically a morning person everyday, my job would transition into something that I not only liked, but I excelled at…and all flawlessly, without a stressful moment in sight.

Well, I can tell you my life is nothing like that.  My life is not picture perfect, my finances are not secure, my cat DID in fact vomit on my rug, I’m debating hiring a cleaning lady for a one-bedroom apartment and I don’t know if and when I will ever transition into a money-making venture that lets me act as an entrepreneur and doesn’t provide daily heart arrhythmia.  But, what I do know, is that for the first time in a very long time…not only am I living in the present, but I’m not really worrying that much about it either.

I have a pretty cool gig when you stop to think about how hard life can be and how much I have accomplished on my own.  My loft is pretty kick-ass for my own place in a big city, my 13 year old car keeps trucking like a friend that won’t let me down and somehow I keep stumbling into decent career opportunities whether they spell long-term or not.  My health is on the rise, my problems are often self-induced (aren’t everyone’s) and even though I thought I was finally ready to let love back into my life, for the first time in my life…I don’t know if I need to.

I’m honestly, truly, at least for today…okay with me.  Just plain, simple, little, boring (yet quirky) me.  As sad as it is, that may go down as one of my all time greatest accomplishments.  The day I could genuinely say I was good enough…or let’s simplify that…I am good, or better yet, I am enough.

Sometimes your knight in shining armour is just a douchebag in tinfoil anyways. If Prince Charming is coming, well, he’s running pretty late and Juliet let me in on a little secret, her light at the end of the tunnel?  Well, he turned out to be nothing but a deadend. Maybe life’s greatest love is learning to love yourself.  Or maybe life’s greatest achievement is learning to live with yourself.  She may have died at the stake, but I guess I would take Joan of Arc over Juliet any day. Oh, my girl Joan?  That’s right bitches, she’s a ginger.  So, maybe, just maybe your fairytale ending is….you.

“My life has turned into a giant pumpkin and Prince Charming is very, very late.” –  Brooke Freeman, Shortland Street

The Ginga Ninja

Life is the Messy Bits


redhead family

This past weekend was Family Day weekend.  That actually makes no sense, as Family Day is a day and I just referenced it as a weekend…however, we had the Monday off as it was Family Day.  In essence, this created a long weekend.  Phew, thank god I clarified that.

I, for one, actually spent the entire weekend with my actual family.  The whole lot of them.  A night with my brother, his kids, my other brother and his common-law lady, both their dogs and two cats.  I then proceeded to drive another 2 hours to visit my parents and third brother’s homes.  I saw my mom, my dad, my brother’s new wife, his kids, his step-kids, his ex-wife, her boyfriend, three dogs and even my new sister-in-law’s father and step-mother. Finally, I finished the night off texting with good friends and cuddling with my cats.

Family is a big, messy, complication nowadays.  There is rarely such a thing as the nuclear family and there are few expectations of happily ever after.  Hell, I have friends who only went to see other friends and probably count them closer to family then they do their own siblings.  Like Modern Family, there is no one way to have a family now.  Like The New Normal, there is no normal anymore.

I know for me – well, my sister-in-law, my common-law sister-in-law, my new sister-in-law and even my ex-sister-in-law are all important people in my life.  The ex is the closest thing that I’ve ever had to a sister and in a weird way her boyfriend is like my brother-in-law.  And the new additions to my brother’s family?  Well, those would now be my niece and nephew.

There is no wrong way to have a family.  At least not in my books.  So, go out and appreciate yours, whatever version that may be.  Don’t feel guilty for enjoying time with them and don’t feel guilty for not enjoying time with them…just remember there is no real expectation anymore and you shouldn’t feel bad for who you love…or are forced to tolerate.

So, embarassingly enough, like Erma Bombeck says,  “I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”

The Ginga Ninja

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