I was told to brain dump.
What is a brain dump you ask? Well, I guess it’s like the other kind of dump…but getting stuff out of your mind instead of your bowels. I’ve always wondered how important words are. Sometimes I find that they are incredibly powerful, other times I feel like they are so meaningless. I think the reason why so many love songs exist is because somebody out there really needed to brain dump. We want to say a million and one things to a particular someone, but pride, fear, days gone by, uncertainty and a million other somethings prevent us from doing so.
Sometimes we do tell them everything we are thinking and get painted as crazy or dramatic. Sometimes we spill our guts and come away with an outcome that is worse than the original scenario. Over the years, talking hasn’t been my problem until it comes to feelings. For some reason, I’m afraid to lose face and I’m afraid to admit feelings so I put up my walls, make my definitive statements and always decide that fate, time or common sense will prevail. Why am I so afraid to discuss what I do or don’t want with somebody? What’s the worst that happens…you lose them? If you can lose them that easily, well you never really had them. I seem constantly afraid to lose something I didn’t have to begin with.
The mind is a funny thing and we often refer to our heart as full, fragile, broken, bruised… but the head and the heart are the same thing really. It’s all in the mind. It’s chemicals, racing blood streams, pounding veins and fight or flight responses that create a feeling of wanting, longing, yearning and the unknown. More so, well, add to that the memory bank that the mind stores… and we are all fucked.
I think the reason why we have broken hearts and heartache is that the physical repercussions of pain and fear is similar to that of the fight or flight response. Increased heart rate, fixated thoughts, jitters, shakes, anxiousness and an overwhelming surge of adrenaline…and often with this can come shortness of breath, heart palpitations, sore lungs and even asthma attacks. So, it’s not really the heart breaking, but it sure can feel like it.
Either way, head or heart, crazy or sane…it’s probably always best to say what you mean and mean what you say, otherwise you wind up the author of a blog. Kidding. You wind up the author of an awesome blog.
So, my friend. If you have a problem, whatever that problem may be, dump away. There is nothing more therapeutic than just writing down what you are feeling no matter how crazy or irrational it may be. Well, maybe putting it into lyrics or singing away at the top of your lungs, but that bottle of gin, shotgun or bridge may not look as bright and shiny in the morning.
The Ginga Ninja