Tag Archives: game of life

The Curse of the Dreamer

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Take a deep breath and don’t panic my girl
There is little to control in this crazy old world
You think and you plan and envision all day
You make up scenarios where it does go your way
(What is your way?)
(What would you say?)                                                                                                                                                     What could truly ever make it your day?                                                                                                                                   If you could even get it, what would it be
Would it be freedom, stability, kids or just we
Do you want a house, a pool, a dog and a cat
Or maybe a jet, a whiskey and designer brimmed hat
What really matters, money and cars
Or loved ones, liked ones and those far away stars
Is there a right and a wrong to your entire life
A definitive moment, pure man and wife
Do your actions always determine your end                                                                                                                             Or in your own story, can you be villain and friend                                                                                                               Inherently evil, deliriously mad, endearingly simple, to the bone just plain bad
Are these all just faces, all feelings we show
What’s the real outcome, what’s the real low
Everybody can say it, anybody can think                                                                                                                                   I should be writing my plan on the edge of this brink
(But what if I sink?)
(What if I blink?)
What if I yawn and my breath, it might stink?
So you dreamers go lie awake late at night
Try not to think, try not to fright
Life it is scary, life it is hard
It can also be wondrous if you play the right card
The deck it is big and so hard to predict                                                                   There are times you’re winning and times kid, you’re licked
But try as you might to stay out of your mind                                                           Try your best to be honest, your best to be kind                                                       Know you will fail and that it’s okay                                                                           Just try to remember, start again the next day
Because sometimes you fall and sometimes you win                                       That’s the game of life and it wears you quite thin
It plays with your mind and tricks your own head                                           Where maybe some days you won’t leave your own bed
But keep on believing and doubting and breathing                                                                                                       Because when it’s all over, we are all still just leaving.

 

The Ginga Ninja

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Just because there’s a Way, doesn’t always mean there’s a Will

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robin-williams

Not too long ago a very talented man took his own life. The loss of Robin Williams and the outpouring of opinion in the days following got me thinking. Strangely, I heard the song “This Life” by Edward Sharpe (a very sad and depressive take on life), then “If you want to be happy” by Jimmy Soul, followed by “I guess that’s why they call it the blues” by Elton John. It made me realize how juxtapositioned this compliation of songs were…completely and utterly on the opposite ends of the spectrum. – like life?

This brought me to a bit of a controversial topic. Like Voledmort, it’s awkward to use the word, but for lack of the real one, let’s say…Self-induced Death.

Suicide is a tricky topic. Because even though I have a knack for turning the bad into good, the lost into lessons and the sad into funny, that doesn’t mean I haven’t been down. I think if anything this proves that I have. As have you. And her. And him. And his mom. Maybe even his dog. Or hamster.

But, more seriously…it’s a topic that I’ve kind of always understood. And that in itself has sometimes made me misunderstood. For reasons we won’t discuss, I was introduced to it from a young age. And unlike all of the people around me…I was never angry. I was empathetic. But, no matter how down I got or how mad I was at the world, I knew this was an avenue I would most likely never walk down because it would kill my parents, not to mention my chance at a future, not to mention well…myself.

It’s a shame, when somebody takes themselves out an inning too early – everyone on the outside feels that things could have still changed; the hail mary pass, the over-the-fence homerun, the last minute touchdown. But, what if they couldn’t…really…truly.

Life is a big old rollercoaster of ups and downs and hopefully the ups outnumber the downs, but what if you never feel your ups all the way and the downs more than you should? I have definitely felt downs that were unwarranted and extreme…in my family, we call this Situational Depression and there are a number of medicated comics amongst us. Life is hard, alcohol is harder? (Hardy, hard, har)

But, turns out some of the hard stuff has brought me to a better place…lifestyle, diet, acceptance of faults and realizations of the world have led me down the path where I want to know more is coming. But there were nights, so many nights where I didn’t know if there was more. And I wished time away because I didn’t want to know.

Well, what happens if it isn’t 17 years of ups and downs, or 12 years of increasing health issues. What if it is a lifetime. What if it is medication, padded walls or voices in your head. What if you had all you ever wanted and still barely managed to get out of bed each and every day? At what point do we stop calling these people selfish and start to realize that they have held on for us. For you. For him. For her. For me. These people who were in so much pain that they couldn’t see a happy ending held out for as long they could in a world they didn’t love, so that they didn’t hurt the people that loved them. Sometimes they aren’t trying to hurt anyone, but they can no longer keep hurting themselves.

You are dying since the day you are born. Sure, walking off the court early is cheating the game of life, but it’s going to happen eventually whether we want it to or not. So, give sympathy, give empathy, give support, but please don’t ever give in to your anger.

“This Life”

I’ve been trying to pretend
That death is my friend
Oh, this life
Yes, this life ain’t for me now

I’ve been lying to myself
Not to nobody else
Oh, this life
Yes, this life ain’t for me now

LIAR
I’m telling the truth to y’all
HIGHER
Gonna give a little proof to y’all
HIGHER
I’m gonna jump in the fire

Well I walked into black
Said I weren’t coming back
Saw my angel in blue
She tell me “This life ain’t for you”
Oh, this life
Tell it to me – this life ain’t for me now

I woke up feeling new
‘Cause now I know this life is for you
Yes, this life
Oh, this life ain’t for me now
It’s for you!

The Ginga Ninja