It’s funny, you think you know a person and then something…somewhere changes and all bets are off. We think we know the ins and outs of why people operate the way they do – the jocks, the jackasses, the pleasant and the petrified. But do we?
The really confident people, you know, the ones who admonish you or have really strong opinions one way or another – sometimes you find out that deep down they are just as insecure as you and learned to lash out first…that way it didn’t hurt so bad when they were picked on, or maybe, just maybe they hoped that people would be too scared to attack at all.
And the indecisive person? Are they actually indecisive…or are they too scared to offend somebody else and therefore refuse to choose so they can’t be blamed for the decision? I know what it feels like to back down quickly, I know what it feels like to second-guess. I’m not saying I won’t stand my ground…trust me, in the right company I will. But, there are times it is me being submissive because I am too afraid to anger, or am unprepared for the fight.
So, depending on who is viewing me and on what day – I can seem overly confident or underly decisive (I know it’s not a word, but I love it). But, suddenly, it is me in all my glory that can’t be trusted and doesn’t appear to know myself, or at the very least present myself. Nobody is ever really black and white, particularly not anybody of substance.
In this world, we have gotten used to witnessing the end result, not what brought us to that place. We live in a society of treating the symptom, not the cause. I’ve seen a lot of bad things happen to a lot of people. I’ve seen a lot of people do bad things. We say not to let others get under our skin…we say not to care, not to listen, not to worry and to always be ourselves. But, how realistic is this? We are afterall…human.
So that brings me to the question – do we ever really know someone and inevitably do we always know ourselves? I think we can change our mind all the time. I think we can question our meaning, our world and our weight….and I think maybe you can never really, truly, honestly know someone or what they think of you. Or even, sometimes what you think of you. I’ve never known such an upbeat song to have such mixed lyrics, but… Some nights I feel this way, and well some nights… I don’t.
Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck
Some nights I call it a draw
Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle
Some nights I wish they’d just fall off
But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh, Lord, I’m still not sure what I stand for oh
What do I stand for? Most nights I don’t know anymore…
This is it, boys, this is war – what are we waiting for?
Why don’t we break the rules already?
I was never one to believe the hype
Save that for the black and white
I try twice as hard and I’m half as liked,
But here they come again to jack my style
Well, some nights I wish that this all would end
‘Cause I could use some friends for a change.
And some nights I’m scared you’ll forget me again
Some nights I always win.
So this is it. I sold my soul for this?
Washed my hands of that for this?
I miss my mom and dad for this? Come on.
No. When I see stars, that’s all they are
When I hear songs, they sound like this one, so come on.
Well, that is it guys, that is all – five minutes in and I’m bored again
Ten years of this, I’m not sure if anybody understands
This one is not for the folks at home;
Sorry to leave, mom, I had to go
Who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun?
My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she call “love”
When I look into my nephew’s eyes…
Man, you wouldn’t believe the most amazing things that can come from…
Some terrible nights…
The Ginga Ninja