I have been dating for about…17 years now. When I was younger, I don’t think I handled the crushes, maybes and what ifs too bad, but handled the big ones like a teenage drama queen. Now, I can say the opposite seems to reign true. The big ones? Well, I do my best not to come undone, though the transition from being part of a twosome to creating your own identity is a hard one, so I may still unravel from time to time. But, those maybes, what ifs, booty calls, whatsits and whosits? Well, there are probably just as many of them as when I was younger, but they feel so much worse now. Perhaps it’s my societal clock ticking and the feeling that another one bites the dust, but sometimes I try to figure out why they feel so much worse, so heart-wrenchingly, sweat-inducingly horrific. I mean, many, many times it is me pulling the chute, so why when somebody else leaves me hanging does it feel so bad?
I think that part of it has to do with having some piece of your newfound identity associated to loving yourself unconditionally and refusing to play games with your life, or your love. But, what happens when you live by your rules and the other party doesn’t? It brings us right back to the same old lesson. You can’t control others, you can’t control the unknown and ultimately you can’t control life. All you can control is your reaction to it. So, sometimes I wonder why my reaction is so strong. How can I actually question if I’m unloveable or whether I did something wrong because somebody else decided they didn’t want to be mine afterall?
That sounds harsh, but it’s true. Of course we aren’t a match for everyone. And of course sometimes somebody is using me as a distraction or timing really is everything. The road to hell was paved with good intentions so they say. But, how can somebody not fully chasing after you leave you feeling just a little bit less worthwhile? Don’t you ultimately want to be with somebody who wants to be with you? Yes. Yes. And let me repeat…Yes.
We forget our worth when we are in it. When we are in it, we think if only I hadn’t sent that picture, that extra text, lost my temper that one time, made that stupid joke, waited so long to get back to them…it would all be okay. But, maybe sometimes it isn’t about us at all, but about the types of people we are willing to put our time into. We love the idea of someone, even if not the right someone. It explains why we can feel like something is missing…when it was never ours in the first place. It is the idea of that ever elusive happily ever after, and all your dreams coming true that make you question if it is in fact YOU. Deep down is it you, but not necessarily for the reasons you think.
It’s time to retrain ourselves. Don’t lower your standards. Don’t think you are too picky. Don’t play hard to get. Don’t play games. Don’t change your values to win over the wrong person. And don’t, please don’t (because I do) question whether you could have changed the outcome if only you had done something differently. Maybe you could have. But, do you want to be with a person who will end it because you sent one text too many, or admitted you were insecure from time to time? Trust me, you can be good at playing the game, and still wish there wasn’t a game to play.
So, read this fantastical post (yes, I know it’s not a word, but put fantastic & wonderful together and the world becomes a better place) by fellow blogger, Aaron Westera and take all that it says to heart. And I mean literally to heart – to YOUR heart. You are not to be toyed with, you are not to be under-appreciated. If you have to play games to get somebody, well, then you don’t have them to begin with and if they make you feel any less than the best version of you…run. Run fast and run far. But, run baby, run.
The Ginga Ninja