Category Archives: Writing

It’s good to be bad

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There are times I think about writing. And I don’t just mean the concept of what is writing, I mean…sitting down and actually writing. Unfortunately, usually early in the morning or late, late at night (which is still technically early in the morning) are those times. And well, full-time jobs and sleep requirements and all that jazz prevent me from getting up and writing in the moment I have ideas, probably good ideas. Not like now.

So, sometimes I don’t write. And I don’t really know why. I don’t think it’s that I have writer’s block per say; it’s not as though I sit down and nothing comes out. Just lately, I don’t sit down. I just don’t sit down to do it and odder still, I don’t feel a void when I don’t.

Sadly, the moments I write the most, are when I’m the most sad. Sadness, confusion, introspection, jealousy, uncertainty…these are the things that drive those words. And art. And literature. And entertainment. And almost anything good or meaningful that ever came out of this life.

If you look back in time, many of the most talented, creative, artistic sons o’bitches out there were riddled with issues. Depression, anxiety and straight-up being stuck in those heads tends to be what leads to the best art. And that in itself is terrible. The people who make our joy seldom experience it. The everyday people, maybe those are the people living life, but not driving it forward. The socially awkward, societally-shunned geniuses and the drug-raddled, insomniatic depressives are the ones that add the je ne sais quoi to our world. And what they provide is what makes everybody else’s life better, but not necessarily their own.

This is a conversation that has come up a lot lately. As my creative friend risked it all to start a new business, and yet another artistic mastermind took their own life, and well, I just creep other people’s perfect profiles with envy like a modern day peeping tom….Often the best results in our life are driven by the worst times. And the best times result in the worst outputs.

So, though this may not be the best thing I’ve ever written, maybe that’s good. Maybe it’s good to be good, and great to be great, but state of mind and quality of work may not always be one in the same. So maybe sometimes it’s good to be bad and bad to be good.

Some people are born mediocre ,some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.  –  Joseph Heller

New Year, New You?

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mmI’m sitting here with thoughts in my head and lazy in my fingers…barely just willing myself to type. Don’t let the title fool you, one night cannot make an entire new you. A you that makes resolutions, recommits to passions and hobbies, and tries harder to be good at the things they are good at and even better at the things they aren’t….suuurrreee…but a new you? C’mon people.

Who in their right mind really believes that one cold night in winter (well, in certain countries) makes you a different person, or even makes you dedicate to being a better person. I gave up on resolutions years ago because frankly, you give up on them quickly and stress yourself out when you are failing.  What about just trying to be okay everyday?

As I say this, I did just make homemade soup, am watching Jeopardy, sat down to write for the first time in months, read 10 chapters of a book, mentally recommitted to playing my guitar and did yoga for the first time in a year…but I won’t call these things resolutions…I will call these things the things I shoulda been doing all along.

So resolve to be the version of you that operates best and most content, not the version of you that doesn’t exist, because trust me, if you do…you will not only let the new you, but the old you down too.

The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. – Walt Disney

The Ginga Ninja

Pretend to Practice Patience

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red-potHave you ever waited for something? A parcel, proposal, promotion, unanswered text message or wait…let’s go old school and throw in waiting for a pot to boil? What I can tell you, is that it can be maddening.

For some reason, those hours, minutes even seconds while standing there in limbo can last an eternity. The outcome you need, it just can’t come soon enough and it is oh so hard to concentrate on things outside of that outcome. Do another activity? Get sidetracked. Talk to somebody else, mind wanders away. Decide to relax, might as well be in a bed of scorpions. Life is a little like that, when we are expecting something and we know what we are expecting, we get impatient. We just want it to hurry up and be there already.

So, truth be told, not too long ago I saw my first ever psychic. I know, a psychic you say, do tell…

Well, as expected a lot of it can be debunked pretty quickly. Tell me your birthday? Age with no ring, chiStock_000004009819XSmalleck. You are here on Christmas Day with your brother while on holiday? Sad, lonely and sense of something missing, check. You are a certain age and live in a big city? You must work too much and are finally able to rest assured financially, check. Anyhow, all joking aside, she did seem to hit some things on the head, whether by chance or by certain. I was told I was open, both in terms of the world and spiritually (funnily enough, the “gifted” ones have thrown this tidbit my way before), I was also told I had a lot of worries in my past, that I have carried around other people’s expectations, baggage, fears and guilts as my own and that it wasn’t my future that had any issue, it’s my painful past. It will all be okay, if only I can practice patience…I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

Well, I have been trying to practice patience for quite sometime. Every once in awhile I give up on goals and creating new plans, visions or ideas…and I just sit. Sit in my life, in my couch, in my job, with my friends, my family. And then something unexpected puts you ass over tea kettle. Your brother knocks up his fiancée 9 months to the day of the wedding, you are still dating a manchild that you met 6 months earlier at a bar and completely unannounced or unknown, well, David Bowie dies!

Most of those things don’t totally affect my life, but you know what I mean. Patience, once you’ve decided you want something is incredibly hard to practice. Let’s create a new saying, “Practice Takes Patience”, or even more appropriately – Practice makes perfect, patience makes practice?

Pretty sure nobody is letting me rewrite well-known clichés as much as I may prefer my own versions.

Either way, I guess my best advice is find a way around the problem that doesn’t require patience – go directly to the source, support your position, text that fucker first, better yet, propose if you have to. Either you need to negate the need for patience, or damn, just gotta stop watching that pot.

Self-doubt may help my writing, but it won’t help my living. Just because you want something doesn’t mean you’ll get it. – The Carrie Diaries

The Ginga Ninja

The Moody Mind

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I think I am in a writing mood, nay, I am in a writing mood.11429225895_5b5a1f76d4_m

I haven’t been in one in a long time, or maybe more appropriately I’ve been putting my time elsewhere. With spring and summer come social events, the desire to be out and about – 9 o’clock seems early and sleep unnecessary.

Give me fall and winter and what you have on your hands is a bit of a hermit. Some nights I’m bummy and wishing for some fake life or love that doesn’t exist and some nights I want nothing more than to rush home to my fireplace, television, new pillows (mooorreee new pillows, I truly think I have a problem) and get lost in a movie, crockpot, new television show, or a painting. Fall and winter turn me into an ever-elusive introvert and funnily enough cause me to be more tired than ever.

Now I’m an educated soul. I’m sure it’s my hideaway nature and lack of exercise that’s making me more tired. The less you do, the less you want to do. It’s a vicious little chicken and egg cycle. We are too tired to get out (and let’s be honest, I already work full time +), but the less we get out, the more tired we become! What a conundrum….#firstworldproblem if there ever was one.

showimageBut, there are days, and I know I’m not alone; I can’t put my finger on the problem. It’s not life altering, it’s not life-changing, but I’m in a mood. A pensive, lonely, frustrated mood…like you aren’t getting all you should out of life, and yet, that is life. Nobody is ever really alone and the internet just proves it. In the past couple of weeks I can’t tell you the amount of people who have mentioned they are feeling down, stressed, tired, sick, frustrated, annoyed at dating…it’s universal, or perhaps universal when you live in a country with very distinct cold weather patterns. There is a reason that suicide rates are higher in cold countries. No joke.

So, I guess I need to decide whether stressing out about my dirty apartment and unfinished painting is the right way to go, or hitting the gym, hitting the bar and maybe hitting on a boy is the better avenue (I kid, I kid…I would be out for my friends, wink wink). The sad part is, as I sit here and type this, the fact that I can type this or even have a choice in these decisions shows how fortunate my miniscule little life really is.

So on that note, I guess as long as you have a choice you have a life, whether that be hiding away in your loft like a troll or getting dolled up like a princess, there is usually tomorrow and only when there is no tomorrow do your choices cease to exist. So, you make the call…how do you want to spend today?

Every man builds his world in his own image. He has the power to choose, but no power to escape the necessity of choice. – Ayn Rand

The Ginga Ninja

The Unfillable Void

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Void stampI’ve written posts here and there pointing out the occasional desire or maybe more appropriately put…emptiness we have filled with goals, aspirations, big dreams and pointless tasks. Somewhere along the way we are all taught there are certain benchmarks to hit in order to lead a “successful and fulfilling” life. Each and everytime we feel an uneasiness creeping up we try to tick off the next box on that list of fulfilling life moments and achievements, yet for some reason we are still left wanting.

I never understood this void. And better yet, I thought it was just me.

In our own little myopic worlds, we don’t seem to understand that everyone, and I mean everyone, suffers. But, to what extent and what emphasis is put on which wrong syllable is often measured by wealth, education and the basic hierarchy of needs. The saddest part of this is that no matter how much you achieve, how many things you attain and how much money you make…you may still have a little emptiness sitting in your stomach that you just can’t explain.

And this, my friends, is called the human condition.

For some reason our brains are hardwired to want to reach some sort of next step, next need, next want. If we don’t know what that is, sometimes we try to shake things up with a new degree, new career, new spouse, new car or even a new country. But, the bottom line is that no matter how many times we change it up, we can’t outrun it. The best version of ourselves is always just out of reach.

There are too many articles out there about happiness, anxiety, the meaning of life, self-help and self-worth for this epiphany to come to me and me alone. When are people happy?  Well, if we look at the study of psychology, this is all people have been talking about for centuries. The world’s greatest minds have been trying to decipher the meaning of life since the beginning of time, so what made any one of us think we were so special?

I finally understand, I’m not.Red_Void_by_Gaurdian

But, I also understand that this feeling most likely isn’t going away. When it creeps up after a big night of drinking, a breakup, looking at bank statements or being bored at your job…you need to accept it’s part of you, it’s part of life and there will always be more to have, to be, to want. All you can do is try your best to dull the ache, soften the voice, follow your dreams and realize that you are exactly the same as everyone else. The human condition is a condition indeed.

Mark Manson, a favourite of mine, explains it and explains it well. Stop trying to attain happiness and just try to learn acceptance. Pleasure is mistaken for happiness, and achievements mistaken for worth. Trust me when I say, it’s not always worth it. http://markmanson.net/stop-trying-to-be-happy#sxjbVV:6Q9y

The Ginga Ninja

 

 

Money is power, Freedom a cushion

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Recently I splurged. Okay, recently I’ve splurged way too much. And it appears as though my opportunities for overspending always come at a time when I’m trying to save money. Or perhaps more appropriately my realizations about my overspending are at times when I’m paying attention to money.

But, I have been on the lookout for new pillows. Maybe it’s because my brother got some new ones and I am now suffering from pillow envy, or perhaps it’s that the ones I only got 2.5 years ago now have feathers sticking out. Whatever the case, I had started keeping an eye out for decorative pillows, only to uncover the motherload.

Well, self-restraint may not be my middle name because I managed to spend a small fortune on you got it, pillows. Not charities, food or a vacation, but gosh darn pillows.

Life’s short. I say buy as many pillows as you want. – Anonymous

The Ginga Ninja

Google Was First

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BirthdayHoly meatballs Batman. Google personalized the Google homepage for me. But, the thing is…of course they didn’t. Not every Tom, Dick & Harry’s Google Page has a picture of cupcakes & sparklers, and definitely not everybody’s is wishing them a personalized Happy Birthday when they hover over it.

So, is this incredibly cool, or incredibly creepy? I for one think that a personalized Google page at the stroke of midnight is a bit big brotherish, even for little old me who uses social media like utensils. This information is either stored on my computer, or they are accessing it through my Gmail. Wait, let me check. Yes, yes it only works when I’m signed into my all-knowing email account.

In a weird way, that makes me feel a tiny bit better. The interweb is only accessing my personal information as long as I’m live signed-in to their sister site. It makes me feel just a wee bit safer to think that the URL or the computer itself doesn’t have a better memory than that of my brother, but still, the mere fact that technology can do this at all is downright eerie.

There is a commercial out right now talking about the next big technological advancement – palm hang ups, holograms or reading brain waves?  But, really, when you think about mini computers in eyeglasses and the entire being that is Stephen Hawking…well, we already have things that operate by eye glances alone. And I don’t mean a gold old-fashioned wink if you catch my drift.

Apparently I am one of the only ones who think it’s downright bone-chilling and a tad unsettling. This little lady thought it was the best thing since sliced bread http://www.pattiwilson.net/blog/google-gave-me-a-birthday-cake-today…but, now we know that modern-day bread isn’t good for you anyways, so perhaps modern-day technology isn’t always either.

I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots.                                                                                                                                                                                    – Albert Einstein

Albert-Einstein-and-Quotes-Gold-and-Red_art The Ginga Ninja