Show Me the Money

When it comes to finances and life; is there a right way and a wrong way to handle money?  I used to think so.  I don’t think so much anymore.

I always came from the school of thought that you work your ass off, save as much as you can, minimize debt, try to squeeze as much fun as you can out of every last dime and always save for a rainy day.  In more recent years, despite the fact that I still have loads of debt, I also have more liquidity.  If I were smart I would be squirreling away what I do have and making some sort of investment, yet I find myself throwing caution (and money) to the wind in an effort to get back all those wasted years of worrying about money all the time.

This is not to say I never worry about money anymore.  I do, everyone does.  Even my brother who makes the value of his house every year in wages worries about money, but I must admit I don’t worry the same.  On a recent drunken escapade I mentioned to a friend that if it’s $60 and under I no longer worry, I just buy.  The stupidity of that theory is spend $60 too many times and it adds up.  At one point in my 20’s I actually had to count my takeout coffees to decide whether or not I could hit up the bar on the weekend, or afford that new 50% off coat.  How quickly we forget where we came from.

But, when are finances black and white?  We all know people who spend like there is no tomorrow and can’t help but tsk them in the back corner, but we also know people who are cheap bastards and ask for money to pitch into meat.  There has to be a happy medium.

And what happens to your finances when you are suddenly single? All those fantastic savings plans, RRFPs, mortgages, and education bonds sort of fly right out the window.  Does the heart become more important than the head when it comes to money?  Well, I think this area has shades of grey as well.

A good friend of mine did the decent thing in a breakup and walked away with nothing.  He gave up the house, the savings and all earthly belongings just to have a clean break.  Now, a year or two later, he finds himself in a financial pickle.  The head has caught up to the heart and clarity reigns once more.  However, I have another friend who was so intent on getting return from his investment, he attempted to stay in the mortgage with his ex for the long haul, inevitably tying them together for years to come.  So, when do you cut your losses?

I think I can say there isn’t a real right or wrong when it comes to finances…or feelings.  Everybody will have opinions, many will be wrong and somewhere deep in the middle is the fine line we are all searching for.  All I can say is that the last two years have rocked me financially and yet I am more loosey goosey with my funds then ever before.  Call it carefree, call it crazy, but I know I can call it life right now.  And my friend, since I don’t know where that is heading, all I can do is pray for my next keeper to be a multi-billion dollar investment banker living off the coast of Costa Rica in his beachfront home with a yacht parked out front…kidding, sort of.

“When I was young, I thought money was the most important thing in the world.  Now that I am older, I know it is.”  – Oscar Wilde

The Ginga Ninja

The Book of Morons

Recently I went to see The Book of Mormon.  I knew it was a comedy, a parody, a satire, but Lord knows that I had no idea it was from the Creators of South Park. Pretty quickly I learned that it was by faaarr more irreverent than even I realized.

The funny thing is, despite how over the top ridiculous the plot was – there is a real message deep within.

So, before we get to that message, let’s talk a little about the actual Book of Mormon.  As I watched the musical I assumed that much of this must have been exaggerated and dramatized for the plot and humour.  But no, The Church of Latter Day Saints was really started by a man in the 1800’s who had a vision from God, a visit from an angel, supposedly found hidden golden plates and believed that reformed Egyptians moved to the Americas and were introduced to Jesus shortly after his resurrection.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_of_Mormon

For educated folk, it sounds farcical and nonsensical, but then again – doesn’t all religion?  I mean, Scientology was begun by a Science Fiction writer in 1952 and believes that we are immortal beings who have forgotten our roots and must pay massive sums to remember them, and let’s not forget, (aliens live in caves).

Deep down, when you think long and hard and learn the origin stories of all religions – do any of them really make any sense? I have had the very rare pleasure (or curse) of learning both sides.  Growing up Dutch Christian reformed, I was a blink away from Mennonite and had many of those “spooky hell dreams” as the creators of South Park so humoursly put it.  I believed in fire and brimstone, I believed in the afterlife and I believed in always doing your best and being your best.  However, after spending years trying to accept others – me and my family were rejected by our church.  Go figure – the term Christianity actually means “to be a decent and generous human being following in the ways of Christ” and my Christian teachers ostracized my family for being too different.  I guess like Baby’s father in Dirty Dancing, they only meant certain people, people like them.

You told me everyone was alike and deserved a fair break. But you meant everyone who was like you.

I decided to take a very different stance on things as I aged, in University I minored in Classical Civilizations.  One of the classes that forever left its mark was Ancient religions…a very in-depth and eye-opening look at the origins of religion.  Believe it or not, many pagan religions came first; many female-based, withcraft-based and poligod religions existed long before we had ever heard of Jesus Christ.  He was most likely a real person, a martyr, a crusader, but all along – man has had some say in how this all played out.  Government wanted to control the masses, only educated men could read or translate the Bible and why do you think so many versions exist?  Because each ruler wanted their own version of the word of God. Might as well be called “the word of the King”.  And know what?  People bought it.  The question is why…or maybe more appropriately, why not?

Deep down…people want something to follow. Why do you think we have so many Parrotheads, Deadheads, Beliebers, Hell’s Angels or Hulkamaniacs?  People want to be part of something bigger; a deeper meaning, a larger idea, a better future, or a meaningful past.  Believe something hard enough and sure enough, somebody will believe it with you.

Does this make it all bad?  No, no it doesn’t.  It doesn’t make it all true either.  It’s up to each and every one of us to decide how much we are willing to think for ourselves and how much we are willing to believe as gospel.  There is a morsel of truth in most stories, but there is a mountain of ego too.  Even though the characters in my musical realized that in the end there is no difference between the Book of Mormon and the Book of Arnold; what they also realized is that people are searching for an idea.  So many things in life are a metaphor and if people have a common belief, they have a common purpose.  Like Elder Price said, “No, No, No…it doesn’t matter if the stories are true or not! That’s not the point!”  People became harmonized, happy and hopeful.  Isn’t that the point?  For a girl whose religion is pretty much Disney world…it was almost like…Orlando….

“For an idea that does not first seem insane, there is no hope.” ― Albert Einstein

The Ginga Ninja

Murphy’s Little Law

For anybody who hasn’t heard of this nasty little bit of karma, it’s the unwritten law that “anything that can go wrong will go wrong”.  I for one am a true believer that this rule especially applies to me.

As I lament about all the things that fail me, the countless number of times that all the planning in the world couldn’t save something, and the way that I truly believed I was cursed for breaking those 2 mirrors in highschool….my dad had a funny little thing to say to me the other day.  He said, all these things that go wrong, they are just little things that you will overcome, you get one done, it’s okay for awhile and then another one will come along. We’ll get this one solved and later there will be something else for you to figure out too.

Funny heh, only took him 62 years to get there.  I have struggled and battled with this belief, that this overcoming of obstacles and things that don’t go your way is…life.  It is not this fairytale happy ending and despite all my anal virgo-ness, all the planning in the world cannot prevent the actions of others.  That doesn’t mean it still doesn’t infuriate me when Murphy’s Law rears his ugly little head…but, yes, at the end of the movie, well, they don’t show you the part where life just keeps coming….and there is rent, unemployment, thieving hookers, cat litter and nasty piano movers to deal with…

My fellow ginger, Addison from Private Practice phrases it perfectly, “I was thinking I would keep waiting for life to get easier. You know, lower stakes, less risk, easier.  And I was thinking, maybe it doesn’t.  Maybe the struggle, the climb, one obstacle after another…maybe that’s just life.”

….sounds like my dad is a closeted Private Practice fan, doesn’t it?…

The Ginga Ninja

To Text or Not to Text

To Text, or not to Text, that is the Question:
Whether ’tis Nobler in the mind to Suffer
The rejection and heartache of outrageous Dexting,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of iPhones,
And by opposing end them: to Text, to Talk no More

Now, I felt it was about time somebody updated this little soliloquy.  This thought came to mind as a good friend of mine was asking my advice on to text…or not to text a guy she is dating.  How sad is it for us that our modern version of dating is now Texting?  She had been feeling under the weather and hadn’t heard from him in awhile.  I asked if he had phoned, or emailed, or even offered to come and check on her in person.  The answer was No, he hadn’t texted all day.

Isn’t it crazy?  Our new version of trying to get to know somebody is through a little screen and the speed of our fingers.  I know that technology has added an extra element of hardship to what is already a really difficult pastime.  Very few people really like dating.  Those that do either want to be unattached or have already found a really solid partner.  The rest of us?  We go up and down weekly, if not daily, as to whether or not it’s all worth it.  The madness we feel when we think we are being rejected, the anger we feel when they are playing games and the guilt we feel when we just don’t like them back.  Trust me, dating is hard enough without technology.

Once upon a time you talked on the phone every few days, perhaps had a date once a week and then as time marched on you found yourself attending major functions and sharing social lives.  It wasn’t easy to meet people, but the selection was smaller and the attention more focused.  I can still remember when MSN and ICQ were the new ‘it’ thing.  I spent HOURS talking to boys that I liked on the computer instead of in person, but at least then it was the best, cheapest and easiest version of real-time we could have outside of actual interaction.  But now..NOW I can peruse my ex’s photos, check out the friends of my new crush and stare endlessly at that Facebook message box praying they are “into me”.  Since when does not hearing from a friend in two weeks mean they don’t like you?  In this instant-gratification, reachable-all-the-time world is when.

Now…we all know what everybody is doing all the time.  Our iPhones tell us when messages have been read, facebook tells you when somebody is online and dating sites let people message you as you browse.  All this real-time policing is a bit scary…maybe the book 1984 had it right all along, but Big Brother just took a very different form than we imagined…social media.

And yet, here I am using social media to spread this word.  In many ways, even though I need it to house a blog, even though I need it to keep a job…sometimes I wish there was a technology implosion.  Sometimes, just sometimes I wish things were simpler and that godforsaken smart devices didn’t exist.  Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish we could go back to the old days where you had an answering machine, or better yet…a notepad.

The Ginga Ninja

Histamine is Mean to Him…and Her…and Me

So, this post is a little serious. Serious like a bad case of the Mondays, but seriously long.

No, Seriously.  Well, deep down many of these posts are, but sprinkled with humour, self-deprecation, and fun facts. But, I want to do a little shout-out of encouragement for all those people out there suffering from unknown ailments. Listen to your body – not your brain and not others.  Feeling like crap and not knowing why is pretty much the worst feeling alive.  You think it’s in your head, you get labelled a hypochondriac or fragile, and eventually you really believe that all your ailments are being caused from stress, or at least your inability to copy with it.

Many people, particularly women go through their life being labelled by mystery illnesses.  They know they feel awful and they know what it feels like to feel good – but they don’t know what is causing the days they feel bad.  Over the years it’s labelled as “hysteria”, “fits”, “dizzy spells”…we blame it on corsets, we blame it on periods, we blame it on boredom, and we blame it on the microwave.  Being a girl and having battled some things on and off for 12 years, others my whole life…I know how frustrating this can be.  The funny (and amazing) thing about the body is how everything is interlinked.  Almost any ailment, be it seasonal allergies, be it cancer…will present with some of the same symptoms.

Your body only knows how to react so many ways; it is often a histamine reaction.  So one way is through your chest, throat and sinuses.  This can cause runny nose, congestion, watery eyes, impaired breathing and clogged ears.  That sounds like a cold…or allergies…or asthma – right?  It can be in the forms of chills, sweats, fever, aches, pains, muscle weakness, numbness, headache and nausea – sounds like the flu, ya?  It can present in forms of skin and nail conditions – itchiness, flakiness, red skin, dandruff, weak nails, and odour.  Well, that simply sounds like not enough calcium, the wrong kind of shampoo, or some sort of dermatological issue – eww gross.  Lastly, it can present in forms of pain.  Pain in your muscles, pain in your stomach, cramping in your hands or toes.  This sounds like a nerve, stomach or muscular problem…maybe you pinched something, maybe you just worked out, or maybe you have food poisoning.  If you ever have problems breathing, sore muscles, tingles and dizziness all at the same time, well then, you must suffer from panic attacks.  Or maybe, just maybe….

Well, what happens when you present some of them all?  Sometimes you blame it on flu, sometimes you blame it on stress, sometimes you blame it on a desk job, sometimes you blame it on past sports injuries…on your period, your birth control, your workout from the weekend, your big boobs, being a redhead or maybe, just maybe you blame it on monumental life changes.  Sound familiar?

What happens when you have had telltale symptoms that something is wrong since you were a child and nobody ever took it seriously?  Everything has a symptom, but the key here kids is finding out the cause, not the symptom.  And, since that is difficult to do and since so many GPs aren’t specialists they just run down the usual suspects.  Young teenage female presenting with migraines, weight loss, dizziness, fainting and fatigue?  She must have anemia, thyroid, anorexia, or depression.  Check.  Answer – eat more, ditch your boyfriend and get some glasses.  Women in early 20’s presenting with migraines, problems with effects of alcohol, and a 3 month cold that causes insomnia and frequent bathroom visits?  Check.  She must have the wrong birth control, stress at school, a chest, sinus and bladder infection.  Throw her some sleeping pills, change the birth control and administer antibiotics.  Check.  Good enough.  Women in her mid – late twenties presenting with increased fatigue, extreme muscle soreness, constant headache, numbness and neck pain?  Check her for anemia, thyroid issues, talk to her about stress.  Oh, she starts vomiting blood and can’t eat because of the pain?  Well, I guess you can scope her, call it acute gastritis brought on by stress and virus, medicate her for 4 months and call it a day.

So, that little lady decides she needs to change her life.  Obviously stress is a major problem; obviously her immune system is weak.   Even though her vitals are healthy as a horse, she labels herself as fragile, decides she has a stressful job and takes up yoga and chiropractics.  Well, 4 years later, it emerges again.

Since those mixed-up olden days, terms like “anxiety” have become synonymous with worry or coping with stress.  How many people do you know now that no longer say “I guess I’m a worry-wart” and have switched it to…I guess I have an anxiety disorder?  Might as well take a low-dose serotonin boost.  Trust me, I have a family member…or 6 who have taken this route.

Up until now you didn’t want to make a big deal of it because you know what everybody is thinking.  You know what whispers are going on about the state of your health and therefore ultimately, the state of your mind.  You tell a doctor about the numbness and they tell you not to worry about it unless it’s constant.  You tell a friend about your inability to breath and they tell you to do more yoga.  You tell your mom about blood sugar issues and fainting and she says, yes, it runs on your father’s side of the family.  You tell a friend that you seemed to have a very bad reaction to food or sleep-aids and they think you are trying to kill yourself.  You tell your boyfriend that your shoulder is sore and they think you are trying to wheedle a massage.  Scary words like (sshh…)…Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Anxiety Disorder, and IBS are thrown around…these are all the crazy people illnesses.  These are all illnesses given to women who can’t identify an illness.

So, in case this wasn’t apparent.  I’m that girl.  I have spent years trying to self-diagnose and self-regulate some things I clearly wasn’t in control of.  There are times it’s worse and during these times I know something is seriously wrong…but, others don’t necessarily believe.  You are visibly ill, but it’s too often to be a flu.  Your friend tells you that you must have SAD (I’ve always loved how that acronym relates to how people with it seem).  But, when it’s better, it’s still only half good.  I want to feel like I felt as a kid.  I want to feel on par with the healthy life I actually lead.  And believe it or not…I’m starting to get there.

For the first time in my life my new GP said, “This is a symptom, not the cause” and believed me when I said I may have a problem with food.  I have seen an allergist, I have seen a nerve specialist and I have seen a naturopath.  I have since discovered that some of my co-workers, some of my clients and some of my friends have been down this road too.  One of my very good friends battled this all 7 years ago and knows that she needs sleep, she needs exercise and she needs to heavily moderate her diet or she feels like crap.  And here I just teased her about her OCD…but terms like “hit by a truck” come out often when you eat the wrong foods.  Somehow, by some strange new miracle I am becoming the “go-to-girl” for possible food-allergy reactions.  I know more than I ever wanted to know about BIE, supplements and the horrors of Marketing in the food industry.  Apparently it is unbelievably common for food intolerances to surface for women…and they get worse as they get older…and they get labelled as nuts in the interim.  Aw, shucks.

So, I’m modifying my portions, I’m taking medications, I’m exercising.  I am navigating through this new horrible and yet amazing world, but I definitely know when I’ve eaten something wrong.  It’s difficult to pinpoint as most processed foods have sugar, gluten, and yeast in them, and well….I’m a foodie.  There are differences between celiac, candida, fructose malabsorption and histamine intolerance.  It’s amazing to discover how many people out there are suffering through the same thing. You can have severe allergies or you can have moderate ones that only present if you eat too much of a certain type of food.  Food-related allergic reactions can also keep occurring for up to 2 days…so; try to pinpoint that suspect, GOOD LUCK.

But, as it turns out….I may have been poisoning myself for 31 years, definitely the last 12, definitely during times of stress.  Good to know.  I’m surprisingly upbeat about this most days because I see an end in sight.  In fact, the fog has already started lifting.  Not a miracle cure-all…it’s going to take hard work and patience friends (oh, and patient friends).  But, hearing others say the option is work hard to moderate lifestyle or feel horrible all the time?  I guess I’ll take the more difficult path.

http://www.chicagonow.com/the-ginger-philes/2012/08/gingers-are-allergic-to-everything/

Today is the first day of the rest of your life and I know for one I’m going to embrace that.  I’m going to screw up, but isn’t that what life is all about?

The Ginga Ninja

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Going on a Manhunt

Okay, I’m not.  But, it is the main chorus of a kick ass song from the Flashdance soundtrack.

“I’m goin’ on a manhunt, turn it around
Women have been hunted, now they’re huntin’ around
Manhunt, we all got the need
The one that’s been waitin’ has taken the lead”

I’m a Cougar.  Nay, I’m a Puma.  Or at least that’s what I’ve been told.  I guess technically there needs to be at least a 9 year age gap to be considered a Cougar, or some garbage like that.  Either way, the point is that I’ve dated younger guys.  This isn’t something I planned, and once upon a time in my youth I actually dated substantially older guys, but either way, I have found my last two serious relationships were with younger men.  Seriously folks, last two…

A drunk homeopath who believes in astrology once told me that her sister was also a Virgo and kept dating younger men to feel perpetually youthful.  (A crystal ball would be nice right about now).  Last I checked that wasn’t my reason why, but who knows. Maybe my obsession with Disneyworld runs a little deeper than even I know.

But, seriously…what is the acceptable standard on dating nowadays?  It seems as though anything goes.  I was recently told that 4 years either side is most compatible and I’ve often heard of the “Rule of 7”…this means that you can date anybody within 7 years either side of your current age.  This very useful math equation means I can date as young as 24!  Even I begin to shy away at the 25 and under mark.  Though, I must admit, I really love Zac Efron.  Like, really love. Like would have his beautiful babies love…..

Aside from my love for that condom-dropping Highschool Musical star…for awhile there I was loud and proud with my kitten-nabbing skills.  This was however, when I naively believed they may be flings, or was around the time when Demi and Ashton first got together and showed the world how amazing an older woman can be.  But, he has since hooked up with Mila Kunis, she has landed herself in rehab, and me?

Well, I have found out that the tide just keeps washing away my line in the sand and things aren’t quite as clear as I once believed them to be.  I’m more forgiving of my friends than I am of myself, but I’ll keep looking at that horizon and watch the sun set on each and every day (in this analogy it’s the ocean….get it?)  Though I guess I should have gone with Serengeti or something very safari-ish…cougar…puma…nevermind, you get it. Either way, I’m trying my best to look forward to the next sunrise and the next adventure that unbeknownst to me is out there….older…or dare I say it…younger again.

“I was so much older then, I’m much younger than that now” – The Traveling Wilburys

The Ginga Ninja

Caught in a Life Triangle

How many times has broken telephone stepped in to complicate your life?  He said that she said that her sister’s mother’s friend’s babysitter’s cat saw you talking to your neighbour’s teacher’s principle’s daughter and heard that you said…..And then somehow gossip starts, accusations fly and you are caught in the middle of a crossfire of words.  Every innocent thing you said or open-minded thought you had gets twisted and you are meant to defend your opinion, or worse yet, defend your defense of a situation, conversation, or person.  I guess they say Defense is the best Offence. I don’t think they have a clue.

I try really hard to play devil’s advocate when I can.  Everybody has a side, a heart, a story and a point of view.  Every single situation needs a grain of salt to measure it.  Wouldn’t I love to be an ant on the wall when things went down in the first place – sure, but history, hurt feelings and ultimately egos get involved and suddenly you are caught in a triangle.  Whether with an old friend, an arch nemesis, a new romance, or a family member…when your name gets pulled into something, there is nowhere to run from the war of words.

Now, don’t even get me started on Love Triangles.  Most people have never successfully avoided them – no matter how minor.  Somebody’s boyfriend flirts with their friend, somebody lies, somebody hides, somebody cowers and somebody yearns. Without them we would’t have such wonderful films as Something Borrowed, My Best Friend’s Wedding, Made of Honor, Bridget Jones Diary...or an actual good movie, Legends of the Fall.  I seem to somehow be that girl that attracts boys in almost-dead relationships.  I don’t step outside of the lines once I’m aware of what’s going on, but either I have “she’s a friendly soul, bare your heart to her” or “good in bed” stamped on my forehead, because let me tell you… I attract em like flies.  And if I’m completely honest, I’ve had a friends’ ex or two come to me after the fact to say they always liked me and were too scared to admit it.  Thankfully I have the good sense to say no thank you kind sir, but often the mere fact that it came out causes a new and awful moral dilemma. To tell or not to tell?  And all these things? Frankly, make me feel sick.

I don’t like drama, I don’t like having to defend myself, my actions, or my beliefs and I definitely don’t like the awkward position that two people’s history can put other people in.  My advice?  Don’t be a devil’s advocate in a world full of individual lives – people look out for themselves and not all people like looking at all sides.  One side suits them just fine.  But, being too passionate about any one topic will see you get in almost as much trouble; maybe you just feel more passionate about that wall you are leaning on.  I guess the only way to avoid this is to avoid people, avoid feelings, avoid circumstance, avoid speaking and become a fingerless mute who can neither say, (nor text) anything that could ever get them in trouble. I’ll work on that because no matter who is right and who is wrong…there are usually shades of grey somewhere in there between those solid colours of black and white.

The funny part of this is while I’m writing this post; I’m watching the all-time classic movie Grease and sitting riveted as all those triangles unfold.  If only Danny admitted to the guys he cared about the girl and didn’t “summer love” her on the beach…all would have been fine.  He wouldn’t act non-nonchalant in front of her at the bonfire, she wouldn’t date the dumb jock, he wouldn’t join the track team, Cha Cha wouldn’t be a problem and don’t even get me started on Kenickie and Rizzo.  But, then again…had all these triangles and misinterpreted events NOT occurred, there would be no plot.  No Summer Lovin, no scenes under the stars, we wouldn’t learn the hand jive and we definitely would never get the dictionary updated with “shoo bop shoo wada wada yippity boom da boom”.

So.  Did I just teach myself a lesson?  Each time life hands you lemons, grab the tequila, because goddammit, alcohol helps you through drama. Oops, wait, that’s another lesson.

There is no avoidance of being involved from time to time in petty misunderstandings and relationships woes.  Want to know why?  Because then you would be perfect.  And I don’t know about you my friend, but I’m only perfectly flawed.

Gossip is the Devil’s Radio – George Harrison

The Ginga Ninja