Author Archives: thegingergirl

About thegingergirl

And it's hard to dance with the devil on your back...

Allergic to Life

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I’m sitting here sniffling. Well sniffling and snotting and sweating and itching and spitting up things I shouldn’t. Kleenex ain’t got nothing on me brother. Sounds like a head cold right? Holy hell no!

The bullshit of life is us pale, freckly, pigment-limited folk are basically allergic to life. I know there are terms for it now – mass cell disorder, pregnenolone deficient, histamine intolerant, genetic inflammatory condition cursed, but whatever you want to call it…it sucks.

Basically too much dust, dander, sun, food, alcohol, seasonal temperature or foliage shifts = itchy, red, stuffy, sore, insomniac days. Ya, it’s bullshit I tell ya. Benadryl is my best friend and explanations to people get fewer and farther between as my fucks given are less and less.

“Well my dear it’s not a real anaphylactic allergy,  but basically too much stimuli makes your system react the same way.” Gee thanks Mother Nature. Or my Maker. Let’s meet. It’s hard to admit, but basically the gist is I’m allergic to life.

And sadly (for them) more and more people around me are starting to see similar trends as they age. Maybe this makes me lucky as I navigated the trials a decade or so ago, and have worked out a daily coping strategy, but screw you Batman – I spent my teens and twenties having no damn idea why I was sick all the time. I was a relatively-healthy drinking, eating, adjusted athlete who just seemed to be damned. Those gingers I tell ya. 

However, misery loves company, so not so sadly (for me), the rest of my generation, guys and girls alike, seem to be catching up. My bf has mystery redness, my boss has pressure-induced stiff neck, her boss is stuffed and calamined, my sister-in-law’s sister-in-law had an unknown attack and here I am counselling and educating those poor unfortunate souls (cue evil Ursula laugh). And handing out migraine and allergy pills like they are candy. It’s not really good or bad, but it’s life. And you know what? I’m still standing. Maybe not pointing and laughing, but certainly thinking that maybe something good came out of all of this lifelong cursed crap. Maybe stretch marks from pregnancy won’t be my undoing, maybe navigating how to work alongside migraines and nerve damage won’t devastatingly derail my career, or even learning how to eat at restaurants and home without totally offending the cook...maybe that’s my silver lining, maybe that’s my happy place, or more appropriately, maybe that’s my ginger lining in life.

“You know, I’m still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid. And I’m still standing after all this time. I’m still standing….”  – Elton John

The Ginga Ninja

The Christmas Crazies

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I haven’t written in awhile, a long while. And I don’t know if that’s good….or bad…or really either. Maybe I should. Maybe writing is good for me, a good cathartic outlet, kind of like a good cathartic cry. But, again, most of the times I’ve written it’s because I had something on my mind, too many things on my mind, a mind that couldn’t be decluttered or reorganized. It couldn’t be wrapped, or frosted or hung by the chimney with care.

Well, maybe I’m there again. Maybe a new kitten destroying my new chair, job applications and taxes, mortgage approvals and house hunting, secrets and lies, affairs and separations, divorces and engagements, sore muscles and migraines, new babies, new birthdays and simply a case of the winter blahs are on my mind. Maybe I’m there with too much in my brain and nowhere for it to go.

Except here. It can go here. For you, the few that may or may not still be interested in my fledgling writing and non-credentialed thoughts, well here is your ever non-impressive and non-ground breaking thought explosion in all of its glory.

It’s Christmas…and some years that fills me with joy, others with dread. For some reason this year I just don’t know, I’m stuck somewhere in between the two and though in between is better than down, it’s not better than up, so in between I will stay.

For anybody like me filling the mixed stocking of anticipation and dread, excitement and fear, then I feel for you, or fear for you…hell, one and the same really. A Merry Friggen Christmas to all and to all a mediocre night!

I remained too much inside my head and ended up losing my mind. – Edgar Allen Poe

The Ginga Ninja

Put off until tomorrow what you could do today

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See, I rewrote it. Sometimes it’s okay to put things off. Sometimes it’s what you need, what you want, what your life demands. Let’s be honest, whoever wrote the original saying of “Don’t put off until tomorrow what can be done today” was some sort of parent, or teacher, or over-eager ambitious motivator type. They obviously had time on their hands, money in their pockets and brains in their heads. Damn you Benjamin Franklin.

Okay, I’m being facetious. I do believe it’s true…to a point. Let me reiterate, to a point. Decisions should take thought. Not everything you do can be spontaneous. Some of it should be certain, some of it shouldn’t be today…suuurreee everybody deserves a little spontaneity, but if your whole life is based on spur-of-the-moment decisions, well, then it’s chaos. Chaos breeds more chaos and soon you are swimming in a river a chaos that empties into an ocean of chaos and you find yourself holding onto the edge of a life raft on the open end of a bottle of uppers, or downers, or mediumers.

Okay, okay, again I’m being a little overly dramatic. But, there is a time and a place for everything is really what I’m getting at. And sometimes my friends, well, you must be ready.

I just did something for the first time in years. And let me tell you, it felt great and awful and awful and great. I feel more like me, more energetic, more positive, more full of maybes. However, I put it off and off and off because something inside me wasn’t ready. Something inside me wasn’t pushed far enough or hard enough or crazy enough to do it and honestly, something made me stop doing it in the first place.

So ya, maybe I should have done it yesterday, and had I done it yesterday it would have been today. And since I did it today, well yesterday, that would have been tomorrow and if I did it tomorrow, well tomorrow would be today. So, don’t overthink it people, because if you do, you will realize that it’s all just semantics. There may not always be a tomorrow, but as long as you are standing here, there is always a today.

The Ginga Ninja

A mind is a terrible thing

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Threw you off there, didn’t I? You thought I might go for that old classic “A mind is a terrible thing to waste.” I mean, true, it is a terrible thing to waste, but I still stand by the fact that it is a terrible thing.

For anybody that overthinks things, underthinks things, poorly thinks things or just thinks things…it can be your worst enemy. What good is this chemically charged, mechanically perfect spongy little blob of goo if along with all the good comes the bad. Where is your choice in this?

Even when you think you have a choice, you don’t. Your brain is sitting there telling you to drink the last shot of tequila, but it’s also the one telling you not to approach the guy at the party. It’s telling you that you aren’t good enough, but also sometimes that you deserve better, it’s telling you to eat more, eat less, give more, take less, take more, give less. YOU don’t make these choices, that silly little brain of yours does, I mean, that makes you blameless really (fingers crossed I can sell that to a judge).

So, that brings me back, for all those losers people out there joyously loving every single day of life and thanking their lucky stars, well, let’s assume you are good sleepers and have plenty of serotonin. For those of you questioning your day in and day out, riding a little roller coaster of emotions as you take this trip called life…well, I feel for you, I really do. Right, wrong, up, down, left, right…I mean, how are you even supposed to keep right and right apart as they mean two different things!?! Now don’t even get me started on “write”, right?

Ok, that’s an unnecessary trip down the overthinking rabbit hole which more or less sums everything up, but you know what I mean. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be reading this.

And that’s your choice. Or is it. Maybe nothing is your choice and you are at the mercy of your mind, which inexplicably is fueled by outside factors and internal reactions. Thinking about it is all too hard, as it requires thinking, as does every choice, action or reaction in life, hell even thinking about thinking requires thinking.

My brain hurts.

What would you do with a brain if you had one? – Dorthy Gale

The Ginga Ninja

 

Feeling left behind

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It’s a feeling I’ve had on and off over the years. As have you, and him, and her. And probably my brother, and mom, maybe one of my good friends. Hell, maybe all of them. But, it’s not something openly discussed. Mental health and sexuality are now diagnosed, talked about, named and acknowledged, but feeling “less than” is something still in the closet, lurking behind closed doors, a Voldemort yet to be named.

Well, I’m sure we’ve all felt it. But, what do you do when you feel like others have moved on. And not always in a good way or bad way, but just in a different way? I’ve seen people move out of the city, buy houses, get married, have kids and in all orders imaginable and irreversible. Now, I’m not saying that everything works out for the best, some of those people move back or never even made it out in the first place, some are divorced, some lose their job, some lose their will, but what happens when you feel like you are standing still. I’ve got my cat, my plants, my goals to lose weight, but nothing else is on the horizon. Life just….is.

The funny thing is that is how I always wanted life to be. I didn’t want a neverending to do list of benchmarks and milestones, I just wanted to be okay in the everyday, in the mundane and in the now. And for the most part I am…but get a little case of the “wait for meeees” when my Instagram is littered with new dogs and babies, strollers and renos, wedding rings and honeymoons. There is nothing wrong with my life, but I feel a little left behind, not invited to the old gatherings, not cool enough for the new mom’s cool kids group, too old to party, too young to afternoon tea.

What to do? Do I wallow in my self-pity and think about all the friends I used to spend time with, do I fast-track my life plan to fit into my peers, do I think about all the times I tried to lead that pack with trips and adventures, new cities, new risks, new dates and new friends? I guess none of the above, because no amount of thinking, wishing, envying, or worrying is going to change the outcome. Tomorrow is what it will be and their plans are theirs, not mine. I can only hope that the world I fit into is the world that doesn’t forget to let me fit in. And the world that does forget, well I guess it’s not my world anymore.

“Normality is a paved road. It’s comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow on it.” – Vincent Van Gogh

Make me over

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Do you ever look around and think you don’t do enough to keep yourself up? I mean, I’m surrounded by morning people. Well, honestly, as I leave later I’m probably surrounded by the exact oopppoosite of morning people, but once I get into the office my life choices are glaringly obvious. And, let me tell you, I am flawed.

So as I stare (glance?) at the girl doing her makeup on the subway and my first thought was, well at least I’m doing better than her…I mean, I did my makeup before I left. Sure, I left late, but I did it. But then, horrifically, I watched her. I watched her and watched her, then I watched some more, no really, for eons I watched only to realize I never put love into my makeup like that. Never ever. Ever. EVER.  Well, maybe prom, or my brother’s wedding. But, with a time commitment like that, no wonder she needs to do in on the subway! Take every minute you can get sweetheart. Take your 15 stops and cherish your ride, because with a routine like that it will never be long enough.

I mean, the painstaking love to put 2 shades lighter foundation on your entire face, and I mean entire, every, last, inch of chin and forehead up to the hairline covered…not to mention the darker Mac powder that then goes on top…all leading to the lightly brushed bronzer just glazing the cheekbones…. I mean, if it takes that much work to look exactly how you started (she had beauty skin), no wonder I don’t take care of myself. Me? I slap some concealer on the red spots and bobs your uncle, we call it a day.

So, look sunken the natural way, or put about 4 layers and 3 hours into your face to come out looking exactly the same….you tell me. Seriously though, photoshop is the key.

There is no real beauty without some slight imperfection  – James Salter

The Ginga Ninja

 

 

 

If you are happy and you know it, just sit down

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Happiness.

What is happiness?

Happiness is a term that is now all-too-well-known by those trying to adult. Emphasis on (trying) and emphasis on the term is too-well-known, not necessarily the feeling. And to that point, when did happiness become the ever-elusive goal of life?

Today a friend said “…well, as long as you are happy”. I mean, bless her, I’m glad she wants good things for me, but happiness was never, nor could ever be a constant. It is not a way of life, it is a feeling, an emotion. With happiness comes sadness, anger, remorse, guilt, regret, annoyance, acceptance and a whole slew of feelings and angsty moments and elated adjectives. But, nobody says, “…well, as long as you are angry”, or “…at least you are annoyed”. These are not feelings that are celebrated, these are feelings that are pushed down, to be avoided, to be ignored, to be banished into the pit of feelings that should not be named.

But, here’s a secret folks, all of these feelings exist. They are all necessary, they are all needed and they are all unavoidable.

But, since when did happiness become what we lived for? What happened to family, friends, kids, pets, responsibility, fairness, justice….what happened to a good old reliable sense of obligation?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying to stay in anything where you are (dare I say it), unhappy. Or to better expand on it, confused, lost, scared, indifferent, depressed or resentful. But, I am saying there are gonna be some not-so-good times. Some might be iffy, some might be only okay, some may be just alright and only at a certain hour, or only on a certain day. I don’t think the key to happiness is happiness, I think the key to happiness is being happy with being content.

So, as long as you are content, I’ll be happy.happy

The Ginga Ninja