How close minded are you? In today’s day and age, people are told not to settle. We can all survive without a partner and chances of that partnership lasting are slim. So, we date, we live together, we sleep around and sometimes we think long and hard before we commit. But, all this “not settling” and hesitation means that we can become very (for lack of a better word), picky. We want the perfect partner for us. The person who adds to our life, not detracts and the person you could live with for awhile, even if not forever.
Gone are the days of meeting naturally. The pond is bigger, the competition is fierce and we know deep down, we may never meet that person who will complete us. With online dating comes a plethora of knowledge long before you’ve even met. We can pinpoint our exact type down to their astrology sign. But, has all this knowledge made us hard?
On paper I know my type. But, if I’m honest, I rarely have sparks with on-paper perfection. I once started talking to somebody who lived in a neighbouring town. When asked why it was a problem, I stated that I didn’t want to drive 40 minutes to see him or spend my weekends away. Been there, done that, have the war wounds. BUT, in the same breath admitted that I was fully willing to commit to somebody in a different country. My friend very quickly caught the obvious flaw in my argument – you aren’t willing to drive to another city, but you are okay with another country?
It made me realize how small we have painted our visions of our perfect partner. We know what career they should
have, how much they should make, how many siblings are ideal and what geographical region they should live in. The hurdles we create are so high that nobody will ever finish that race. But, once in awhile, every once in a big, blue moon, we meet somebody who forces us to throw it all out the window. Their accent, religion, upbringing, family life, job, view on politics, and country are completely wrong and yet something about them is completely right.
This same friend of mine also admitted that her ex-boyfriend was perfect. He was the perfect gentlemen, the perfect boyfriend and better yet the perfect ex-boyfriend. They were blessed to have the amicable breakup that we all dream of and to this day he maintains she is wonderful and he would’ve loved her forever. BUT, despite this dreamy Ken doll being the epitome of what she thought she wanted in a man, instead she found herself attracted to a much older, divorced, folically-challenged father. A person that never in a million years would have made her cut-off list was suddenly candidate number one.
This made me think…why are we all so narrow minded on who we want to be with? When it comes to love and logic, rarely do the two ever coincide. I read a great article put out by a dating site reminding us that when you follow your heart over your head, you may just be surprised who you end up with. Maybe that funny, musical, poetic guy who gives you nightly backrubs has a different religious upbringing or education level. Maybe that six-figure ringing social climber with the great job, car and condo actually lacks emotional intelligence and empathy. We can’t go out and create the perfect person, because frankly, one doesn’t exist. All we can do is trust our instincts. Sometimes it may be in the form of logic, other times lust, but the only way to learn, grow, or maybe make the best mistake of your life is to risk the unknown.
We build too many walls and not enough bridges. – Sir Isaac Newton
The Ginga Ninja