Just because there’s a Way, doesn’t always mean there’s a Will

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robin-williams

Not too long ago a very talented man took his own life. The loss of Robin Williams and the outpouring of opinion in the days following got me thinking. Strangely, I heard the song “This Life” by Edward Sharpe (a very sad and depressive take on life), then “If you want to be happy” by Jimmy Soul, followed by “I guess that’s why they call it the blues” by Elton John. It made me realize how juxtapositioned this compliation of songs were…completely and utterly on the opposite ends of the spectrum. – like life?

This brought me to a bit of a controversial topic. Like Voledmort, it’s awkward to use the word, but for lack of the real one, let’s say…Self-induced Death.

Suicide is a tricky topic. Because even though I have a knack for turning the bad into good, the lost into lessons and the sad into funny, that doesn’t mean I haven’t been down. I think if anything this proves that I have. As have you. And her. And him. And his mom. Maybe even his dog. Or hamster.

But, more seriously…it’s a topic that I’ve kind of always understood. And that in itself has sometimes made me misunderstood. For reasons we won’t discuss, I was introduced to it from a young age. And unlike all of the people around me…I was never angry. I was empathetic. But, no matter how down I got or how mad I was at the world, I knew this was an avenue I would most likely never walk down because it would kill my parents, not to mention my chance at a future, not to mention well…myself.

It’s a shame, when somebody takes themselves out an inning too early – everyone on the outside feels that things could have still changed; the hail mary pass, the over-the-fence homerun, the last minute touchdown. But, what if they couldn’t…really…truly.

Life is a big old rollercoaster of ups and downs and hopefully the ups outnumber the downs, but what if you never feel your ups all the way and the downs more than you should? I have definitely felt downs that were unwarranted and extreme…in my family, we call this Situational Depression and there are a number of medicated comics amongst us. Life is hard, alcohol is harder? (Hardy, hard, har)

But, turns out some of the hard stuff has brought me to a better place…lifestyle, diet, acceptance of faults and realizations of the world have led me down the path where I want to know more is coming. But there were nights, so many nights where I didn’t know if there was more. And I wished time away because I didn’t want to know.

Well, what happens if it isn’t 17 years of ups and downs, or 12 years of increasing health issues. What if it is a lifetime. What if it is medication, padded walls or voices in your head. What if you had all you ever wanted and still barely managed to get out of bed each and every day? At what point do we stop calling these people selfish and start to realize that they have held on for us. For you. For him. For her. For me. These people who were in so much pain that they couldn’t see a happy ending held out for as long they could in a world they didn’t love, so that they didn’t hurt the people that loved them. Sometimes they aren’t trying to hurt anyone, but they can no longer keep hurting themselves.

You are dying since the day you are born. Sure, walking off the court early is cheating the game of life, but it’s going to happen eventually whether we want it to or not. So, give sympathy, give empathy, give support, but please don’t ever give in to your anger.

“This Life”

I’ve been trying to pretend
That death is my friend
Oh, this life
Yes, this life ain’t for me now

I’ve been lying to myself
Not to nobody else
Oh, this life
Yes, this life ain’t for me now

LIAR
I’m telling the truth to y’all
HIGHER
Gonna give a little proof to y’all
HIGHER
I’m gonna jump in the fire

Well I walked into black
Said I weren’t coming back
Saw my angel in blue
She tell me “This life ain’t for you”
Oh, this life
Tell it to me – this life ain’t for me now

I woke up feeling new
‘Cause now I know this life is for you
Yes, this life
Oh, this life ain’t for me now
It’s for you!

The Ginga Ninja

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