I have a friend who tells me I’m really bad with perspective because I compare. The funny thing is the other day she also said the same of herself. I walk around and say “most people are…” or “I should be…” which in all reality makes no sense for me because I commonly break all these rules anyways. You should date people you’re own age, you should settle down and get a respectable job after school; you should stay at home to save money. Maybe I say these things because deep down my good little girl inner-child who (secretly) wants to please my parents and play with the good kids believes them…yet… I never ever actually do these things. Does this instead just make me a contemplating badass? A rebel with a cause?
I know that normal doesn’t exist. In fact, as mentioned already, I heard that normal people are only people you don’t know yet. I have enough experience and baggage to know life isn’t always easy. I also fought damn hard to get others to accept the things I was finally accepting about myself. I’m perfectly flawed and I know it. Imperfectly balanced you might even say. I have finally accepted that certain quirks and traits aren’t going away no matter how much I want them too or how much I try…no matter how much I sometimes wish I could pull some magic movie stunt and live someone else’s life for awhile just to see how it feels.
But, I guess even in that scenario I would still want to be me…you know, be aware that I’m now somebody else…which makes no sense at all. In fact, in all the switcheroo movies I could think of, there is no plot that evolves this way…well, because it’s impossible. Freaky Friday, Big, The Change Up, 17 Again…these characters merely swap bodies or have the wrong-aged mind in a different-aged body.
So, I guess I’m actually not that great at comparing after all, as I even when trying to come up with a good movie comparison, I can’t.
If that were the case I might swap my body for the one I had at 25, or maybe spend a day in one of Hefner’s Playboy Bunnies, but who are we kidding. For as many things that I wish weren’t parts of me, there are just as many that I am happy that are. I have to hope that those who love me – love me for the good…and not-so good traits too. So for anybody that gets a little too competitive at Jeopardy, is obsessed with finding the best sugarless chocolate, puts the toilet paper roll on backwards, uses Kleenex to the bitter end, or thinks too much about what they should be doing instead of what they actually do…remember that should be doing and actually doing are 2 very different things and both are probably wrong…because frankly, no right exists.
Like the famous Marlon Brando scene in “On the Waterfront” there are people out there with expectations of how they could or should act, or in this case who they could or should be. His character states, “You don’t understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let’s face it.”
Coulda, woulda, shoulda…..maybe some people really believe they can go back and undo things to make it different….me, I just believe that maybe as far as society goes there are things I “should” do….(and unfortunately may always reference them when I believe I’ve taken a gamble outside the secure and successful), but…I won’t.
The Ginga Ninja