Now what did you say was a virtue?


“You can’t hurry love, you just got to wait.  Love don’t come easy, it’s a game of give and take.”

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I have to say, I think these lyrics are actually pretty true.  I’m sure I haven’t always been the best at following them – patience is a virtue I only seem to have some of the time, but for all those little girls out there waiting for their first kiss, first dance, first boyfriend…just keep waiting.  Your first everything only comes once and when it does, well…’s gone forever.

There are a million and one thirty-something women out there still hoping to meet the “one”.  But, you know what?  Today’s version of life just postponed it.  Less and less people are getting married young and more and more people are truly waiting around for their most compatible match.  Once upon a time, if you didn’t meet your soulmate by the age of 26, well you settled for whoever was around at the time.  Now, women have the choice whether or not to marry that man and often, as a result, we end up single.

Being a single women isn’t always easy, but then again, is it any harder than being a single man?  I guess we have the inevitable biological clock that men don’t really have (Alec Baldwin just had his second child at 55) and traditionally men still make higher salaries, but really, why would the life of a single 32 year old woman be any worse than that of a man?

For all the times I think “where are you already?”, I also have to remember that often I choose this.  I have been lucky enough to have loved not only once, but many times and in fairly healthy relationships.  I have also had the choice to walk away from things when timing was wrong and to settle or not settle for somebody who doesn’t make my life better. I may in the end be my own worst enemy because frankly, I’m a loyal and dedicated girlfriend, but I’m petrified to be a wife.  I think the reason is that I know marriage is more than the wedding and your life is more than the mortgage and kids.  Until death do you part can be a very long time in today’s day and age (damn you improved healthcare) and the impending fear of this vow scares me away from the idea of the altar each and every time.

Still, as I raise my flag to women’s lib and commend all those (men and women alike) who haven’t settled, in a childlike way I still hope to meet the person that may not be the one, may not be my side until the death bed, but that I feel comfortable enough to at least try to commit to.  Fear is a nasty thing and it can come in many forms – fear of being alone, fear of being single, fear of being stagnant, fear of starting over, but without fear there is nothing to propel you to the next step.  You need to know bad to know good, you need to know happy to feel sad.  So, whether I relish in my single life and continue to casually date, give up until I stumble into the next thing, or miraculously find Mr. Right or at least Mr. Right Now is still to be seen.  But, I think it’s true.  You can’t hurry love, you just have to wait…and I think that even reigns true when it comes to loving yourself.  Maybe the reason things haven’t worked out so far is that I was seeking the wrong love.  The love I needed most in order to find the right match was in fact, my own.  Patience is a virtue, but so is self-preservation.

And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
And it takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished – Jason Mraz

The Ginga Ninja


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