A year or so ago I wasn’t as peachy keen and shiny as I am today. I was hopeful, I was pensive, I was as positive as I could be, but I was a bit lost. Also, not long ago a fellow blogger liked one of my posts – Coco J. Ginger, and I was delighted as she has an incredibly popular blog. I hoped to learn something from her – some advice on how to reach people, touch people and relate to people. The only problem is – she had already healed.
You see, Ms. Ginger started her blog because of a broken heart. Many years and many posts later she no longer felt a need for it. It became a possibly cumbersome task that though she loved doing, no longer needed doing. It had been a place to put her hands, her mind, her time and her heart.
If I’m being completely honest, I do find that a saner, calmer, happier version of me has evolved. Now, please don’t misunderstand, this wouldn’t have happened had I not gone through lonely nights, uncertain days and a health scare or two. But, these days, things just don’t seem like that big of a deal. I mean, I’m more broke than ever, I’m facing unemployment and I just cannot seem to get on top of cleaning or my love life. Then again, I haven’t really wanted to get on top of my love life. I’ve been pretty damn content on my own, for the first time in….EVER.
So, like Ms. Ginger, I guess I could say that the line has been cast, I’m not sinking anymore and I no longer need a voice. But, I won’t. The reason for that is somewhere along this crazy journey, I’ve fallen in love with writing. It is an outlet, a surprising passion and a useful waste of my time. You may wonder how it can be useful if it simply wasting time, but if you break life down to its absolute minimum, well….really everything we do is a waste of time. But, wouldn’t you like to think you wasted that time well?
This is not to say I am not going to need to vent, or cry, or overthink every now and then. This is not to say that a bright shiny sun with sunglasses is smiling down at me while bluebirds sit on my shoulder, but it is saying, for today, I’m okay. And for today, I have no intentions of giving this up. It has opened up a new world to me; one I didn’t really know existed. It has actually helped clear my mind and even influence my career. How many people can say that? I am not writing out of angst, anger or boredom, but out of love. It was a loss of love that started this journey and a newfound one that will continue it.
I wish the same for all of you. I wish for everyone to stumble into something they love and continue to do it simply out of joy. Not because you are forced to (hello, piano lessons anyone), because it makes you money (nothing like marketing credit cards for a living) or because there is pressure for you to present well. Who hasn’t put on a beautiful spread or applied to a job at the urging of a partner or parent? Guilty. I’m sure you are too.
So, this year I find that I’m my same bumbling self. I lock myself out of the house constantly and bruise easily. I gab too much, think too much and pee too often…but it’s different. It’s better. So, good bad and ugly, I`m currently here to stay and right or wrong, I hope you can say the same. There is no perfect version of ourselves, only a good, bad and better and each and every one of those personalities depends on the day, the year, the month even the season. Remember that the saying, “There’s always tomorrow” was written for a reason, because what you feel today may very well not be what you feel tomorrow. Remember that when you are at your worst – once upon a time you had a best and one can’t co-exist without the other.
I guess my girl Coco realized that she had found a love too. I don’t think it matters why something started, only why it continues. 10,000 followers strong; her hiatus was short-lived and her blog has lived on. Lucky for us. http://courtingmadness.wordpress.com/
Words, words, mere words, no matter so long as from the heart. – William Shakespeare
The Ginga Ninja