The Rubix Cube that is Me

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It’s amazing how our dynamic can change dependent on who we are with.  Really, we should all be ourselves regardless of who is by our side – but we aren’t. Or are we?  Is being ourselves a matter of always being the same way no matter what, or are you influenced by those around you?

The reason I wonder is because I catch myself changing all the time.  Or at least I think I do.  I’m honestly trying to decide if I’m changing for those around me or what has really changed is exactly that – those around me.

I have some great friends that I feel like a million bucks around.  Charming, funny, put together, but still flawed and human.  In fact, I can tell them almost anything and we can laugh together, cry together, gossip together, and poke fun at each other constantly.  Just the other day I had the most wonderful afternoon with two old friends.

(Okay, self-admittedly I may poke fun at one friend a little too much, and god bless her, she puts up with it because the things she says are nothing short of hilarious without ever meaning to be), but this is my public admission and apology to her. I love you just the way you are, even if just by repeating the things that come out of your mouth provides endless hours of entertainment. You know who you are, Ms. Baby Duck Feathers and how I love you so. But getting off topic...that version of myself, the courageous, funny and self-assured-to-the-point-of-teasing-others girl isn’t always there.

Sometimes, I am a self-deprecating, sitcom-life comedian who has people in stitches, other times I am an oh-so-wise confidant, others still a Debbie Downer, a motivational speaker, a combative drill sergeant, an insecure little girl, a blubbery and worried mess, a Buddha Zen Master and then there are even those people who get me scared, silent and cowering in a corner about what other below-the-belt thing they are going to say or do next.

How can there be people who make you feel oh so good about who you are and others who encourage you to throw in the towel on life?  Better yet, how can there be so many versions of me….

I guess I’m not the only one out there who has more than 1 side, as so eloquently put by the poet Ayumi http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/misc/poems.php?id=1115131, and if you believe in the power of Google there is a whole whackload of people out there wondering the same thing (or at least bored and commenting on) http://answerology.seventeen.com/index.aspx/question/515812_Does-your-personality-change-for-different-people.html, but I still can’t help but wonder…

Is it me with all the sides, or just the reflections of those around me?

I was a personality before I became a person – I am simple, complex, generous, selfish, unattractive, beautiful, lazy and driven. – Barbra Streisand

The Ginga Ninja

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