I’ve got a bad case of Shoulditis. Correction, I think I had a bad case of Shoulditis that was in remission and has since reared its ugly head once again. Nearly 90% of cases have been found to result in severe and sometimes fatal damage to one’s inborn potential, ultimately leading to the slow and silent death of, well, the soul.
I am mainly joking, but not entirely. I too (who knew) was victim to this terrible condition in my mid 20’s. I walked around feeling like I should be more successful, I should feel better, I should make more money, I should grow up, and I should be in a different stage of life. Then I fought, I fought oh so hard to treat it, overcome it, and come out a better person. A person who took risks out of joy, not fear, a person who stopped worrying about how much money they made or what their future and career held. A person who could focus on the present, not the past, and more importantly not the future.
That’s the funny thing about Shoulditis. It surfaces when you least expect it. When you reinvent your life, it’s amazing how much you slowly start to say you should be over it, you should feel the way you did a year ago, and you should have your act together. That’s the funny thing about life. Maybe we can forgive others for living that crazy thing called L..I..F..E, but us over-achieving, second-guessing, comparers can’t forgive ourselves.
Here I thought that Shoulditis went away when you turned 30, lived common-law, travelled the world, or took a step backwards in your career and said “fuck it, I’m imperfect”. I so foolishly believed that Shoulditis disappeared when you decided you loved yourself enough to be yourself. But, if you change enough and doubt enough… funnily enough it comes right back.
Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda…that’s what life is all about right? Well, that and assuming that there is always tomorrow.
Don’t stress over what could’ve been. Chances are if it should’ve been, it would’ve been. – Anonymous
The Ginga Ninja