Morning People Are Only People Without Happening Night Lives

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Do you ever go through body phases, whether it be you get really really achy, extremely hyper, or suddenly are having the soundest, deepest sleeps of your life and cannot physically pull yourself from bed?  Sleeps like when you were a kid…like if there were no reason to get up, well then maybe you never would?  But, the mere fact you were pulled from this slumber meant you were late to work, forgot your mascara, and will be walking in a daze the remainder of the day just dreaming about going back to bed.  I want to say maybe it’s just me, but somehow I doubt it.

I am currently going through this phase.  As per every, single, thought and occurrence I (or anyone) has ever had – I’ve *shockingly* had it before and yet every single time I find it puzzling and curious as to why I would suddenly be so tired or sleeping so sound!  I go through the usual process of wondering if I’m getting sick, could it be mono, am I over-stressed, is it that I’ve been really busy, is it the ups and downs of weather…and usually yes, it seems to go hand-in-hand with any number of these things (well, maybe not mono), or maybe, just maybe there is no explainable reason and it just is.

About a month ago I was turning into an amazing sleeper who actually woke up BEFORE my alarm clock, rested and full of energy…I actually thought “this is it, this is the ‘someday’ I always imagined I would transition into as an adult!”…You know what I’m talking about, you’ve all thought it.  “When I grow up I’m going to be a morning person”.  That fated day when your alarm clock is no longer necessary and when you lean out and open that window with a smile…and cartoon birds land on your shoulder.

But, alas, for the past 4 days I cannot wake up to save my life and find myself…horror of horrors…GRUMPY.  Now, I’m not a great morning person, but I’m almost never, ever grumpy.   I usually just get up and get ready quickly.  I don’t normally talk a lot, I’m not normally entirely awake, but almost never.. gasp…grumpy. Maybe this is because I had a super-packed weekend, maybe it’s because the weather has been so up and down it could be an amusement park ride, or maybe I really am fighting a cold.  What I can tell you is that when you are 30 and your mother decides to come in and lie about the time of the morning, turn on the light, and immediately begin lecturing you on cleaning the house before walking out the door…it definitely adds to the grump factor. Maybe that grump has just followed me into the following days.  But for whatever reason, I am still half-asleep as I sit here and ruminate.

Maybe not all parents wake their kids up this way…what a terrible start to the day!  Maybe some are patient, understanding, and always forthright, but I know for certain my parents have…let’s call them “parenting” traits I would happily trade in. I know that my mom, as long as I can remember will just time-machine herself to the next ominous sounding part of the hour.  If it is 8:11, she will say “it’s already quarter after”.  If it is 8:16 – she will tell you it’s 8:30 and depending on how bad her mood was, sometimes she will shoot right to “It’s nine o’clock” when the clock clearly reads 8:34.  It’s a trait that I’ve found incredibly annoying over the years as I don’t take long to get ready and in a small town 5 minutes can make the difference of getting there on time…so give me the extra 5 minutes of sleep any day!  It’s just an unnecessary stress that has been there my whole life long and I keep praying for it (like many other things) to just stop one day.  I continue to dream that someday, someday my parents will treat me like an adult.

Now, don’t even get me started on the other little parenting fibs I’ve been fed all these years….in some cases literally. Being a ginger, freckles are obviously a part of the territory.  Though today I cherish these little fake-tan miracles, as a kid I abhorred them.  My parents knew that I hated my freckles…my dad also knew that I hated brussel sprouts.  So, you do the math.  Using this information to his advantage would be an understatement, as he told me that with every brussel sprout I ate a freckle would disappear.  They tasted like feet, smelled like farts, and I had to plug my nose…but you better believe I swallowed those disgusting little cabbages down to rid myself of those nasty little speckles.

So, like parents, like the weather, like the unpredictability of my sleep patterns….I guess everything is bound to keep coming and going, perhaps never changing, but only resurfacing.  I keep waiting for the someday to come where my mom doesn’t treat me like a child (except for when I want her to), I don’t need an alarm clock, I’m never over-tired, I’m never unable to sleep, I’m always on time, I always have my laundry put away, and I always immediately do my dishes.  These things haven’t happened yet….I guess turning 30 wasn’t the event into “real” adulthood that I thought it was going to be.  But, as one of my favourite Creedence Clearwater Songs states, “I’m here to tell you now each and every mother’s song, you better learn it fast; you better learn it young, cause Someday Never Comes.”

The Ginga Ninja

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