Is Beauty Perfection, or just Definition…

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Do you ever feel imperfect?  Your abs are a keg, your hair is a cyclone, and your skin looks like a connect the dots? Trust, me, you aren’t alone.  Even those paid to be perfect are imperfect – the forced weight loss, cosmetic surgery, and botched liposuction are proof of this. Mickey Rourke is unrecognizable, Tara Reid’s stomach is from a horror movie, and even Kathy Ireland is now sporting a bonafide gut.

This is a flashback to that moment 8 years ago when I was the skinniest of my adult life, had perky boobs, silky hair and didn’t realize that the freckly girl I saw in the mirror may not actually be who still stared back…I want to say thank you to my old co-worker who go drunk with me and said, “are you blind, you are HOT”.

So for all those times you feel imperfect, remember you are unbelieveably, unremarkably not uniqBeauty-is-in-the-eye-of-the-beholder-and-it-may-be-necessary-from-time-to-time-to-give-a-stupid-or-misinformed-beholder-a-black-eye.ue in this. You are far less unspecial then you make yourself out to be, in fact, you are just like everybody else. Maybe some hide it better, maybe some days are worse, but nobody is perfect…perfectly flawed perhaps.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, sometimes the beholder just isn’t you…and thank god for that.

Am I faithful, am I strong, am I good enough to belong? In your reverie of a perfect girl? – Sarah MacLachlan

The Ginga Ninja

Even Steven…or Stephanie…

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Sometimes I feel like Jerry Seinfeld. Out with one guy in with another. Out with one friend in with another.

If you’ve ever seen the episode where he loses a $20 bill and later finds another in his pocket, he begins to notice that things always turn out exactly the same, never really better or worse, no loss, but also no gain. He becomes a good old “Even Steven” and emphasizes that it the end, well, it all evens out. Jerry seems to live a life in moderation and though there is flux, it’s all manageable and very little of it life-changing. Something good happens?  Well, it’s not thhhhaaattt good, something bad happens, well, the same. He knows that give it enough time, it’ll life-pictures-quotes_4773-6even out.

I’m starting to feel like that myself. Each time a friend falls madly in love and drops dangerously low on the radar, another loved one seems to be going through a crisis which needs time and attention. Each time a friend gets a whim to move away to a new country, another seems to be just hopping on a plane and returning home. All in all, things seem to even out. One crappy guy finally off the books? Along comes a new crappy guy to incite all the same feelings and woes (I kid, I kid).

Either way, the reason this came to mind is that a friend of mind who moved away 2 years ago, who I thought, “oh no, who am I going to hang out with!?” is moving back to my city, right as another brand new super cool friend decided she is moving back to her hometown. Them’s the breaks. Out with one, in with another. And so on and so forth and obla di obla da….life goes on.

Tight Ropes and True Love

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Relationships are a delicate balance. Not too long ago, I was texting with a friend and we both realized just HOW MUCH goes into whether or not you and another person will work out.  Geography, Religion, Politics, Education, Finances, Family, Values, Looks, Friends, Interests, Sex Life and maybe most important of all, that bitch called Timing.

There are just so many things that can make a relationship unwork itself. And often that is after it’s already started. Don’t even get me started (see that?) on dating in general. It is so easy to rule somebody out early on for a fault, or let’s be more accurate a perceived fault. It takes years to get to know someone and technology has made dating harder. If you have different text rules, don’t use the right punctuation or seem to be too endearing too quickly, well, you are out. This doesn’t even include those who were already discluded for poor grammar, salary, height, the wrong education or wrong town. Hell, this definitely doesn’t include those who just fell out of the ugly tree. True love, or true tolerance, you be the judge.

Dating is a fragile tightrope that more often ends before it has even begun, even if you can stay balanced, you may just run out of rope…particularly as we get older and more set in our ways. That intricate interwoven security can unravel in an instant – seamlessly, effortlessly, carelessly, pointlessly. (I’m surprised that’s even a word, go me). So, every time you feel frustrated, unloved, uncertain, unfulfilled – just remember, there is a lot that goes into relationships, and life, and you. And when you feel a loss of control, just focus on that last one, because, really, it’s all you can do.

Be careful with alterations.  Pull the wrong thread and the whole thing comes undone.                                                       Samantha, Sex and the City

The Ginga Ninja

The Weight of the World

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driben-peter-pin-up-girl-on-scaleFor a number of years now I haven’t really had to watch my weight. As long as I was gearing my diet more towards the food that made me feel physically better, well, the scale was watching itself. I could eat until I was full, drink when I wanted and really there wasn’t much to monitor. I had mainly cut out soda pop, limited sugar, minimized wheat…all in all it seemed like the diet modifications I had made had made me! Until recently…

In the last few months, I’m not sure if I can blame Christmas parties and boys, excess beers, or some new medication I’m on, but I gained. I gained what (to me) feels like a lot in a short amount of time and let me tell you, it’s not a good feeling. Now, I’m aware what water weight, pre menstrual weight, scales at night versus morning, naked versus clothed is all about. I can usually tell you my “real weight” within a pound or two just from how my clothes are fitting and know full well to ignore a lot of what the scale says, trust me, I’m a motivational scale guru for many.

That is, until today. Over the last few weeks I’ve actively been a little better. I did a cleanse (oh dear god, why we purposely give ourselves straight up diarrhea is beyond me), I’ve cut back my drinking, I’ve tried to minimize portions and go back to healthy snacking and less meals out. I’ve minimized that bread and returned to my sparkling waters and almond milks. And god bless the current boy as either he is blind and hasn’t noticed those increasingly-tight jeans, or he really just does love big boobs, but I could honestly say I think a pound or two has slid off and I’m feeling just a little sexier, but then again, what do I know, right?

Today the scale lied to me, or truthed me and I’m lying to myself. But, it had me up 3 lbs from a number I already was less than pleased with. And then 2 minutes later down 11lbs from that. And then 30 seconds after I had dropped another 7, and then regained 14 and then went back to the original weight. In a 4 minute window I was an 18 lb size difference, which is a lot when you just wanna know if a little less beer payed off!  I decided you know what? If I (think) I’m doing better, well, that’s step 1 and if my scale can bounce me from mental breakdown to win the lottery weight in a 4 minute window something must be wrong. I can assume that I am probably somewhere in the middle of all that and the most important thing is really the weight off my mind. So, I’m going to ignore it entirely, assume it’s broken and re-assess things base on how I’m feeling and things are fitting, not on a machine that can’t even make up its own mind (oh wait, that’s right – machines don’t have minds).

I guess that’s the best way to handle life. It’s about how you feel, not what you hear, not what you see, not numbers on a contract, things in a house, vacations in a scrapbook. At the end of the day, how you feel about you and your decisions is the only thing that really matters…you are just made up of matter anyway.

You gotta ask yourself this question. Am I gonna believe all those bad things those fools say about me today? Am I gonna to believe all those bad things those fools say about me… – Constantine, The Help

The Ginga Ninja

 

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Pretend to Practice Patience

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red-potHave you ever waited for something? A parcel, proposal, promotion, unanswered text message or wait…let’s go old school and throw in waiting for a pot to boil? What I can tell you, is that it can be maddening.

For some reason, those hours, minutes even seconds while standing there in limbo can last an eternity. The outcome you need, it just can’t come soon enough and it is oh so hard to concentrate on things outside of that outcome. Do another activity? Get sidetracked. Talk to somebody else, mind wanders away. Decide to relax, might as well be in a bed of scorpions. Life is a little like that, when we are expecting something and we know what we are expecting, we get impatient. We just want it to hurry up and be there already.

So, truth be told, not too long ago I saw my first ever psychic. I know, a psychic you say, do tell…

Well, as expected a lot of it can be debunked pretty quickly. Tell me your birthday? Age with no ring, chiStock_000004009819XSmalleck. You are here on Christmas Day with your brother while on holiday? Sad, lonely and sense of something missing, check. You are a certain age and live in a big city? You must work too much and are finally able to rest assured financially, check. Anyhow, all joking aside, she did seem to hit some things on the head, whether by chance or by certain. I was told I was open, both in terms of the world and spiritually (funnily enough, the “gifted” ones have thrown this tidbit my way before), I was also told I had a lot of worries in my past, that I have carried around other people’s expectations, baggage, fears and guilts as my own and that it wasn’t my future that had any issue, it’s my painful past. It will all be okay, if only I can practice patience…I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

Well, I have been trying to practice patience for quite sometime. Every once in awhile I give up on goals and creating new plans, visions or ideas…and I just sit. Sit in my life, in my couch, in my job, with my friends, my family. And then something unexpected puts you ass over tea kettle. Your brother knocks up his fiancée 9 months to the day of the wedding, you are still dating a manchild that you met 6 months earlier at a bar and completely unannounced or unknown, well, David Bowie dies!

Most of those things don’t totally affect my life, but you know what I mean. Patience, once you’ve decided you want something is incredibly hard to practice. Let’s create a new saying, “Practice Takes Patience”, or even more appropriately – Practice makes perfect, patience makes practice?

Pretty sure nobody is letting me rewrite well-known clichés as much as I may prefer my own versions.

Either way, I guess my best advice is find a way around the problem that doesn’t require patience – go directly to the source, support your position, text that fucker first, better yet, propose if you have to. Either you need to negate the need for patience, or damn, just gotta stop watching that pot.

Self-doubt may help my writing, but it won’t help my living. Just because you want something doesn’t mean you’ll get it. – The Carrie Diaries

The Ginga Ninja

New Year, New Perspective

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article-2344762-1A68F156000005DC-570_306x423How close minded are you? In today’s day and age, people are told not to settle. We can all survive without a partner and chances of that partnership lasting are slim. So, we date, we live together, we sleep around and sometimes we think long and hard before we commit. But, all this “not settling” and hesitation means that we can become very (for lack of a better word), picky. We want the perfect partner for us. The person who adds to our life, not detracts and the person you could live with for awhile, even if not forever.

Gone are the days of meeting naturally. The pond is bigger, the competition is fierce and we know deep down, we may never meet that person who will complete us. With online dating comes a plethora of knowledge long before you’ve even met. We can pinpoint our exact type down to their astrology sign. But, has all this knowledge made us hard?

On paper I know my type. But, if I’m honest, I rarely have sparks with on-paper perfection. I once started talking to somebody who lived in a neighbouring town. When asked why it was a problem, I stated that I didn’t want to drive 40 minutes to see him or spend my weekends away. Been there, done that, have the war wounds. BUT, in the same breath admitted that I was fully willing to commit to somebody in a different country. My friend very quickly caught the obvious flaw in my argument – you aren’t willing to drive to another city, but you are okay with another country?

It made me realize how small we have painted our visions of our perfect partner. We know what career they should
have, how much they should make, how many siblings are ideal and what geographical region they should live in. The hurdles we create are so high that nobody will ever finish that race. But, once in awhile, every once in a big, blue map2moon, we meet somebody who forces us to throw it all out the window. Their accent, religion, upbringing, family life, job, view on politics, and country are completely wrong and yet something about them is completely right.

This same friend of mine also admitted that her ex-boyfriend was perfect. He was the perfect gentlemen, the perfect boyfriend and better yet the perfect ex-boyfriend. They were blessed to have the amicable breakup that we all dream of and to this day he maintains she is wonderful and he would’ve loved her forever. BUT, despite this dreamy Ken doll being the epitome of what she thought she wanted in a man, instead she found herself attracted to a much older, divorced, folically-challenged father. A person that never in a million years would have made her cut-off list was suddenly candidate number one.

This made me think…why are we all so narrow minded on who we want to be with? When it comes to love and logic, rarely do the two ever coincide. I read a great article put out by a dating site reminding us that when you follow your heart over your head, you may just be surprised who you end up with. Maybe that funny, musical, poetic guy who gives you nightly backrubs has a different religious upbringing or education level. Maybe that six-figure ringing social climber with the great job, car and condo actually lacks emotional intelligence and empathy. We can’t go out and create the perfect person, because frankly, one doesn’t exist. All we can do is trust our instincts. Sometimes it may be in the form of logic, other times lust, but the only way to learn, grow, or maybe make the best mistake of your life is to risk the unknown.

We build too many walls and not enough bridges. – Sir Isaac Newton

The Ginga Ninja

Talk yourself out of it

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keep-calm-and-talk-to-yourself-3Do you ever talk to yourself?

It’s an interesting topic that’ I’ve broached with a few people lately. Most of us know that people talk to pets, curse like a sailor to computers or some even need to talk themselves through the steps of a project. I’ve done a bit of a polling around and it turns out that speaking out loud is quite a common thing. Well, that’s a given (unless your are a ventriloquist) speaking without it being out loud is next to impossible, but you know what I mean, speaking aloud when nobody is there should be one step away from the funny farm, right?

Some people talk when they are mad at themselves, some do it when they are thinking through a complex task and some (like me) say their side of a conversation to a person that has no idea they are in it. The funny thing is, I never know I am doing it until I am around other human beings and suddenly catch myself talking to well, nobody while walking down the street. You know that your crazy neighbourhood has embedded itself, when…

But, in that moment I realize that I think too much, worry too much and probably shouldn’t be living by my crazy self. When I think a tough conversation is coming – with my mom, a boss, a friend, a beau…I think about how it will go before it ever happens. Some write letters, some write it down on paper, but me? Well, I rehearse it in my head…or out loud.

This in itself made me worry about that very head, but the moment I started admitting this out loud (purposely) to5fe8522804692498e327e080f5e2745b others, I was told that this is a surprisingly normal thing. Two co-workers have come out of the closet charging themselves with guilty on rehearsing mental scripts too, glad to know even when I’m alone, well, I’m not really alone.

Some time ago I read that if you were in a bad place, you should speak aloud and video or audio record it. That for some reason, your true self and your true thoughts will emerge. I guess unless you have a steady stream of consciousness when you write, the words on paper may not evoke your real emotion or even opinion. I guess it’s because you are busy trying to make sense of it and make it sound all fancy dancy for you readers out there, editing, proofing, using big words and the whatnot. But, if you are upset, if you are confused, if you are lost…speak aloud and the thoughts will come. Funnily enough, I was watching a show tonight that thought the very same thing…

Sometimes you say the things you need to hear – Grace, Frankie & Grace

The Ginga Ninja